A HISTORICAL OVERVIEW OF MARRIAGE AND FAMILY IN THE HAITIAN MILIEU:
A PRACTICAL APPLICATION OF A THEOLOGICALLY INTEGRATED,
SYSTEMIC COUNSELING METHOD
A THESIS
SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF
GORDON-CONWELL THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY
IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE
DOCTOR OF MINISTRY
BY
CARLOT DUCASSE CELESTIN
MAY 2008
Copyright © 2008 by Carlot Ducasse Celestin. All rights reserved.
DEDICATION
This study is dedicated to my sister and sweetheart, Myrta Alaida Celestin (a.k.a
Carla). Your unconditional love and support for me are remarkable and observed by
everyone. You have gone through highs and lows to see this project completed. You have
desired nothing but to see me succeed in all spheres of life. This accomplishment is
yours. By God’s grace, you have done all within your power to encourage progress in my
life, spiritually, vocationally, relationally, and professionally. Not only do you take good
care of me, but also you pray for me, you challenge me, you have gone the extra mile
every time. You have been there for me. With a heartfelt desire, I pray that the Lord of all
grace grant you the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of your labor for the rest of your life.
This study is also dedicated to the late and beloved Pastor Tony Joseph and his
wife, Adrienne Joseph. For more than a decade, they have always encouraged me to
focus on family in my ministry.
IV
CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS vi
ABSTRACT ix
Chapter
E Introduction: The Problem and Its Setting 1
2. Understanding Marriage and Family among Haitians 6
The Pre-Colonial Era: From Genesis to Year 1492 6
The Colonial Era: From 1492 to 1803 7
The Post-Colonial Era: From 1804 to Present 10
Childbearing and Inheritance 12
From Haiti to the United States 1 8
The Extended Family 22
Interracial, Interfaith, and Intercultural Marriages 27
Acculturation Stress 30
Assimilation 32
Appropriate Age for Marriage 34
3. Understanding Biblical Teaching on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage 36
Perceptions of Marriage and Family among Haitians 36
Marriage and Family: Goals and Purposes 37
The Man and the Woman Become One Flesh 38
Marriage is a Covenant 40
“Is It Lawful for a Man to Divorce His Wife?” 43
Perspectives of Marriage and Family from the Book of Hosea 52
Remedy for Irreconcilable Differences: Be Reconciled 63
4. Review of Related Literature 67
The Political Struggle for Survival and Its Effect on the Family Unit 67
Understanding Haitians as an Ethnocultural Group 68
Family Life 70
Haitians and Relationships 70
Haitians’ Theology of Marriage 74
Methodology for Appraisal 75
5. To Whom Am I Married: A Case Study 80
Meet the Couple 81
The Couple and Their Chief Complaint 83
History of Their Chief Complaint 85
Developmental Issues 86
Theoretical Formulation 89
Clinical Guidelines 90
V
Summary of Problem Formulation 90
6. A Systemic Counseling Method 92
Setting the Systemic Method 92
Assessment 97
Current Status 100
Appendix
1. A Haitian Birth Certificate 105
2. Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite 106
3. Decree of Divorce 107
BIBLIOGRAPHY 109
VITA 119
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
The Bible says in Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through him [Christ] who
gives me strength.” Indeed, I complete this task by God’s grace alone. Father, in Jesus’
name I want to thank you for all the great things you have done for me, in me, and
through me. For all the great virtues that you instill in me through the study of your
words, I cry “glory to your name.” For the hope of living faith to carry on the easy yoke
(ministry and family tasks), I cry “glory to your name.” For all the things that were
nothing but a faded dream (pastoral ministry, being a parent and a husband, being a
professional), which in you becomes a reality, I lift my heart to cry “glory to your name.”
And now, unto you, Father, who are able to keep me under your tender care, I submit all
my being. O Holy Spirit, guide me to fulfill your will, in the name of Jesus, my Ford and
Savior, I pray, amen!
Special thanks to my friends in my cohort and to Dr. Raymond Pendleton, my
mentor, and Dr. Karen E. Mason, my reader.
Thanks to my sister, Mona Joseph, who worked diligently in book acquisitions
and in support of the project financially. Thanks to my brothers, Frantz Celestin, my
cheerleader and tutor, and Sony Ducasse, a radio personality in Fort Fauderdale, Florida,
who faithfully sent money to pay for different phases of the program. Thanks to Mischael
Pierre Celestin and Jephthe Nephthali Celestin, my sons, for being obedient, respectful,
loving, and caring as children of God. Thanks to my mother, Siliane Ducasse, who is a
servant and a deaconess of the French-Speaking Baptist Church of Spring Valley, New
York. My mother has never ceased to be a mother. I cherish her love and carry it with me
all the time. Special thanks to my father, Victor Elorge Celestin, who instilled in me a
vii
love for learning and a great sense of value and academic excellence. Dad always wanted
the best out of me. I want to instill the same passion in my children. Special thanks to my
little sister Eveline Celestin, a young woman of strength and courage.
A special thanks to the French-Speaking Baptist Church of Spring Valley; to the
angels of the church: pastors Dr. Jean Duthene Joseph, Joel Michel, and Morton Francois,
members of the executive committee, the deacons, the men’s and women’s ministry.
Know that in the beginning of this endeavor, when I departed from you to go to Dallas,
Texas, no church communicated with me as concerning giving and receiving, but you
only. Even while I came here to Massachusetts to serve the Lord at Tabernacle Baptist
Congregation, you sent once and again in my necessity, not because you were indebted to
me but to display the fruit that abounds to your account. Thanks to First Timothy,
Nazarene Church, Faith Apostolic, Christian and Missionary Alliance; The Beraca
Baptist Church of Brooklyn, New York; the Haitian Baptist Church of Harlem, New
York; the gifts that were sent from you were indeed a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable,
well pleasing to God. I thank you. Let my God who has called me to this ministry supply
all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. I thank every saint in Christ
Jesus who has come alongside of my wife and my mother to pray and to support me.
A special thanks to Dr. Jean Abede Alexandre, my spiritual advisor and mentor,
friend, and ministerial colleague. You have been instrumental in my spiritual and
academic growth. Following in your footsteps, I learned to embrace a passion for the
pursuit of excellence in ministerial practice, personal devotion, and professional practice.
May the Lord cause his face to shine upon you and your family! To my beloved children
in the Lord, Tabernacle Baptist Congregation, I rejoice in the Lord greatly, that your care
Vlll
of me and my family has flourished again. You do well; you communicate with my
affliction and provide for my needs, you steadily persevere in the vision of excellence to
glorify God. From you, I learn that I have to give my best to the Lord, when even my best
is not enough. Therefore, to give to God less than my best is an insult to him. You have
demonstrated that fact. The time and space is not sufficient in this thesis to express my
thanks to many friends, brothers, and sisters who have encouraged me either by their
prayers, financial gifts, or other means to make this task possible.
Now unto God and our Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.
IX
ABSTRACT
The decision to write this thesis grows out of personal experience coming from
my family history, observation in my community, and ministry as a pastor in the
community. The focus is twofold: to explore the historical background of marriage and
family in the Haitian context and to provide a practical application of a biblical approach
to counseling system.
This thesis offers a historical overview of marriage and family among Haitians as
well as a practical application of marriage and family counseling for Haitians. It offers an
integrative approach of cross-cultural and biblical understanding with a systemic method
of counseling. Using a description of qualitative method, it incorporates multiple sources
of information and captures a unique perspective of Haitian family dynamics to provide a
meaningful approach to marriage and family counseling for family therapists. This
systemic method is called an ethno sociocultural model. It seeks to explore and
understand typical behaviors noticeable among Haitian couples and individuals and the
influences that govern their behavior. It provides a deep understanding and meaningful
approach to marriage and family counseling for family therapists. The model is family-
focused and culturally sensitive.
It is my hope and prayer that this thesis will serve as a resource and a guide to
those who want to further their knowledge of the Haitian community and the historical
trends that inform them, in order to better serve them and join in the ongoing discussion
about the nature of understanding Haitian suffering and respond to those who are in
distress.
1
CHAPTER 1
INTRODUCTION: THE PROBLEM AND ITS SETTING
The importance of this research is enormous in terms of its scope and balance.
The intent is to penetrate the existence of a slowly but surely growing problem in the
Haitian immigrant community in the United States and abroad. This research outlines the
reality that transcends the debate about Haitian families and why this generation of
Haitians seemingly struggles for equilibrium in maintaining marital vows, raising
expectations for their children, and declining opportunities when they establish a family
in the United States. The thesis centers on the difficult and painful reality of the origins of
Haitian families.
Being in the forefront as a pastor-teacher and counselor in the community, this
author has witnessed how many Haitians have overcome painful and sometimes horrific
journeys to a foreign land. They live in horrific conditions to make money in order to
create a better life for themselves, their children, and extended family members in Haiti.
In so doing, sometimes the person who strives to procure a better life feels abandoned by
his or her mother, father, son, or daughter. These persons find themselves confused about
how life really looks far from home. Or, a husband or a wife works hard to bring his or
her relatives to their new home, but the reunion lasts only a few days, months, or years.
Then, different members of the family begin to express a sense of resentment toward
each other. They find it difficult to reconnect and to find the trust and the tolerance that
often characterized the family. As a result, the wife or husband becomes angry or feels a
sense of betrayal, disappointment, despair, or rejection. He or she feels unappreciated or
2
perhaps taken for granted. Then, bitterness starts to grow. The family is divided once
again, and this time for the worse.
The goal of this thesis is to provide a more informed understanding of the history
of marriage and family among Haitians, a multiracial people. The thesis studies the
history of marriage and family in the Haitian milieu from pre-colonial times and how this
historical trend resurfaces from generation to generation. It provides a biblical
understanding of marriage and family with a practical application that will help Haitians
to enhance relationships and achieve their marital goals. This thesis-project captures a
unique perspective in the study of the history of marriage and family in the Haitian
milieu. The decision to write this thesis grows out of personal concern for Haitian
families in need and the lack of understanding of Haitian culture on the part of
professional counselors. Much has been written on other relevant topics, but no other
thesis gives an account of marriage and family structure in Haitian society, nor is much
consideration given to the relationship between families and therapists.
This research study will provide practical, easy-to-apply training tools and
competent models that can be used as a benchmark for educators and therapists who work
with Haitians. Methodologically, the research will further analyze the stressors of slavery
in marriage and families in the Haitian milieu. However, related studies on the causes of
divorce and marital distress underline the fact that family values do decline as a result of
detachment among family members. This study will propose ways in which to evaluate
the ability of individual Haitians to cope with their daily life conflicts.
This thesis proposes a new model that represents the latest work on psychotherapy
that combines ethnicity with race, family values, language, religion, and politics. The
3
primary limitation of the study involves the generalizability of these cited points. Thus,
the proposed ethno sociocultural model will be limited to the historical understanding of
marriage and family in the Haitian milieu. The author will outline the historical factors
that concern the model (i.e., race, ethnicity, religion, language, and politics) via historical
facts about Haiti. Then through the use of case vignettes, the author of this thesis will
illustrate important cross-cultural issues useful for consideration in counseling sessions.
Consequently, the author of this thesis suggests the need for a conscious effort on the part
of a therapist to create a delicate balance that takes seriously both didactic and pragmatic
approaches to cross-cultural counseling. The research focuses specifically on the history
of marriage and family in the Haitian milieu from its genesis to the present. It studies
both marital and nonmarital unions and points to the isolation for lower-class blacks as
interracial unions increase and to a generational bifurcation of the black class structure
directly tied to issues of ethnoracial identity.
Finally, the author will address a biblical worldview for family counseling with
Haitians. He contends that there must be a clearly articulated biblical worldview in order to
shape the Haitian conceptual perspectives of marriage and family. This Christian worldview
will contribute to create cohesion between the reflective balance of family and individuality
in the Haitian family cycle. The individual is a member of a family structure. They both
change within time in the context of their relationship. Development and maturity are
understood within the context of the family structure. For the individual and the family unit,
there is a larger context of social culture, which creates norms and values. The new
generation can be understood only through the lens of the old generation. The fine points of
distinctions can be understood only in the context of environment: social class and social
4
influences. Then therapeutic implications can be assessed only in the context of the
environment.
The thesis also reflects on becoming a couple and becoming a parent. There is a
level of transformation that takes place in the family. After marriage, the son and the
daughter have a new role in the family structure. He or she becomes a father or a mother.
With this new trend come new challenges and opportunities. In the process, the older
parents are aging and becoming dependents. Then there is reversal in principle: the one
who was once a son or a daughter is now the parent of his or her parent. There is a
delicate balance between strengths and vulnerability. Along with all other issues that
come with life and marital engagement, society is now affected at a greater level by the
ethical dilemma of divorce and homosexuality. The writer argues that interaction between
the therapist and the client is crucial to bring about result from a counseling standpoint.
Although we were created with the image of God, our sinful nature informs our way of
life. We are broken and hopeless until our restless hearts find rest in Jesus. We have been
greatly oppressed from the day of our birth. Had it not been for the grace of God, we
would surely be hopeless in the fallen world. Care for the soul becomes very important in
the existence of humankind. To alleviate suffering, there must be concern not just for the
well-being of the physical body but also for the soul. There is a great need in the Haitian
community for the integration of soul care and physical health. Thus, it becomes vital for
counselors to be better trained cross-culturally in order to be helpful to the needs in the
community.
The conclusion provides insights for family therapists, counselors, clergy, and lay
leaders in the helping professions to effectively intervene in the marital crises and
5
conflicts among Haitian families. It will provide an overview of what takes place in
marital counseling and what the helper may expect during and after a counseling session.
6
CHAPTER 2
UNDERSTANDING MARRIAGE AND FAMILY AMONG HAITIANS
The Pre-Colonial Era: From Genesis to Year 1492
History is silent about the formative stage of the natives who inhabited the island
which was once known as Ayiti (Haiti)-Quisqueya or Bohio, Indian words that mean
“vast land; high mountains; land of delights” (Joseph, 2006, p. 19). The inhabitants were
known as Arrawaks or Tamo Indians, a sweet and peaceful people. They enjoyed a
peaceful life with a great civilization and political rest. They often greeted people with a
dove to symbolize a desire to live in peace and harmony with their neighbors.
Much later, they received an invasion of immigrants from their neighbor
countries, such as Martinique, Guadeloupe, Mexico, and Peru. Upon their arrival, the
Arrawaks referred to them as the Caraibes to denote their origins. The Caraibes had a
distinct reputation as great warriors who were cruel to their neighbors and ate human
flesh (Dorsainvil, 1942, p. 10).
From 1492 and beyond, Haitians would experience an imposed culture that would
soon crush not only their conscience and spirit but also their future. They suffered
constant repression and harassment and were subjected to slavery. In this political turmoil
and social chaos, families were destabilized.
As a result of slavery, the Haitian natives suffered genocide by the hands of the
Spaniards. Everything that is known about the history and development of Haiti points to
its colonial expansion experiences, foreign invasions, frequent migrations, and
longstanding practice of interracial marriage.
7
The Colonial Era: From 1492 to 1803
In the early sixteenth century, the occupiers began to export black people from
Africa to replace Haitians, who died by the thousands almost daily. These blacks were
taken from Africa to Haiti, also known as Saint Domingue by the French. They were
from “Congo, Aradas, Nagos, Ibos, etc . . . They were taken from the African coast, these
unfortunate people were thrown into a vessel expressly for them, named le Negrier”
(Dorsainvil, 1942, p. 30).
On the threshold of their life, sorrow, despair, fear, and death overcame these
young men and women when they found themselves piled on top of each other in ships
sailing toward the West Indies. Taken captive, they left behind their loved ones, their
culture, and their heritage as they sailed for the unknown. Historians found nothing
practical from the lifestyle of the slave masters that could have predisposed young slaves
to establish what is known as orderly marriage or a stable family.
Many of the African slaves were very young. They were taken from their families
and placed on a plantation. They had little or no experience about how to be a marriage
partner or a parent. The only example they had was that of their master on their
plantation. The master may have his wife at home and a female slave as a sex partner.
The intimate relationship between the master and slave woman was often for the sexual
satisfaction of the master. The female slave could never conceive of herself as a
concubine to her master, nor would she be called a mistress (Leyburn, 1941, p. 178),
though many female slaves would feel proud to be a sex partner to their master. But it
became a common practice for a female slave to make herself available for the sexual
satisfaction of her master in order that her child might be freed from slavery (Leyburn,
8
1941, p. 178). On almost every plantation, masters allowed their male and female slaves
to cohabitate with whomever they chose. Leyburn explains that almost nothing was done
to prevent sexual abuse among slaves (1941, p. 179).
The European practice of loose relationships with women was considered to be a
model for young and inexperienced slaves, who grew up witnessing this lifestyle and
adopted the model as if it were the norm for good living. As the number of Afranchis or
Mulatres (freedmen and freedwomen) increased, the more cavalier they became about
intimate relationships. It came to a point where people got involved in intimate
relationships for the sake of acquiring wealth or status. The divide between the “haves”
and the “have nots” was always apparent in Haiti. There were three classes of people: the
whites (Blancs), the freedmen and freedwomen (Afranchis), and the slaves. The slaves
made up the majority of the people of the land. They were the poorest. The Code Noir de
1685 (Dorsainvil, 1942, p. 53), also known as the Constitution of 1685, stated that white
people and Afranchis were equal under the law.
However, the constitution clearly discriminated against blacks and declared them
inferior to white people and Afranchis. The colored people, namely, the black people,
made up the majority of the nation. They were the labor force. Even though the code
granted the same rights to whites and freed people, “the freedman and woman could not
hold public offices, they were forbidden to learn or practice certain professions, and they
were assigned special seats at the local theaters and the church” (Dorsainvil, 1942, p. 53).
Wealth was to be acquired by any means necessary. Some slaves would engage in
a marital vow for the sake of securing wealth and social status for themselves and their
children. Others would seek intimate relationships with whites or Afranchis for frivolous
9
reasons as skin color or hairstyle. Like their counterparts in the white community, the
Afranchis often had illicit relationships with slave women. In some rare cases, the
children of those relationships were given the opportunity to travel to France, where they
could receive a good education. It was not until the insurrection of 1791 that the slaves
begun to see the need to order their social conduct. It began with Francois Dominique
Toussaint Louverture, a descendant of the royal family from Aradas, one of the first
African groups sold into slavery and deported to Haiti in the early sixteenth century. He
became powerful politically and militarily. He correctly assumed that a great moral
dilemma would befall his society once people started having illicit relationships for
which they did not want to be accountable. He foresaw that immoral conduct would have
a lasting effect on the economy and the political establishment. Toussaint Louverture was
a faithful Catholic. He encouraged the slaves to make moral decisions regarding their
intimate unions and be people of great moral character (Leyburn, 1941, p. 179). But,
since sexual misconduct emanates from humanity’s sinful nature, Toussaint Louverture
found it difficult to regulate morality.
Nonetheless, he encouraged people to get married as a way to prevent social
collapse in the near future. Apart from Toussaint Louverture’s effort, nothing in the
colonial tradition had taught blacks about marriage. Those who wanted to get married
would find it difficult because of their financial circumstances. The slaves practiced an
ancient tradition from some parts of Africa that demands a man must pay a large sum of
money to a woman’s parents (Leyburn, 1941, p. 178). To observe such a practice meant
that a man must have some wealth at his disposal, a luxury that slaves from the 1790s to
10
the 1800s did not have (Leyburn, 1941, p. 179). Those who had money preferred to lure
as many women as they pleased instead offering them marriage.
The Post-Colonial Era: From 1804 to Present
In 1804, the Haitians overthrew the French and thus ended slavery in their land.
The country continued to be desolate and void of structural norms. The tentative reform
of Toussaint Louverture did not take root. Instead, the country had to deal with the
pressing issue of social inequality. After the insurrection of 1798, Haitians continued to
practice the patterns they inherited from the Europeans. The need to regulate marriage
continued to resurface. According to Leyburn (1941, pp. 177-192), General Jean-Jacques
Dessalines emerged as the new leader of the newly freed nation. He resolved to establish
a law that would create a proper structure for marriage and moral conduct. He called
attention to men and women who were having children out of wedlock. In his Imperial
Constitution (1805), he encouraged civil union while claiming that marriage is a socially
virtuous state to be cultivated (Leyburn, 1941, p. 177). The new emperor would go
around the country to lecture about his new constitution and the provisional line for civil
union as a form of marriage. He instructed people about the impact of their moral conduct
in the generations to come, should they continue to follow the patterns they learned from
their former masters.
Yet, the general showed no restraint in his own sexual conduct. Even though he
was married, his security guards would make sure that he had a woman to satisfy his
sexual impulses in every town to which he traveled. This practice continued to surface
among the Haitian military until the 1990s. Reportedly, he employed seductive means,
11
such as monetary gifts or other special favors to seduce women whom he deemed to be
respectable. Many young and attractive females honored the opportunity to spend a night
in bed with the emperor. In Histoire D' Haiti, T. Madiou reported how Dessalines’
immoral conduct gave way to malavolence and personal license among his lieutenants.
Putting no restraint upon his passions, he traveled about, followed by
actors, dancers, musicians, and courtesans. An indefatigable dancer, as
soon as he arrived in a place he gave a ball. Under Toussaint Louverture,
in order to please the Governor-General everyone approached the holy
altar; under Dessalines one gained glory by dancing well. The emperor,
giving himself up to scandalous pleasures, forgot that he was head of the
state. The greatest immorality reigned about him. With a gaiety sometimes
grotesque, he told the ladies who frequented his court how much he
admired their beauty, no matter how ugly they actually were. Following
his example, his major officers of state kept concubines in every town in
the empire . . . when the emperor entered a town, the honest women were
gravely disturbed, for their virtue was menaced not only by him but also
by his officers of state. Many mothers kept their daughters shut up to keep
them from the notice of those who were powerful enough to take them,
with impunity, by violence. (Cited in Leyburn, 1941, p. 239)
Under Dessalines, it was scarcely wise for a prominent man to marry an attractive
wife, because the emperor might soon set himself to seduce her (Leyburn, 1941, p. 181).
This laxity in conduct continued for a long time during the era of Dessalines and
continued to be the norm that defined relationships, marriage, and sexual conduct.
12
Childbearing and Inheritance
Haiti is a unique nation in the sense that it is multiracial in its origin. A Haitian
might be the son or the daughter of a man who had four different wives from different
nations. This wife or concubine could have been an Indian or the descendant of an Indian;
an African or the descendant of an African from Congo, Aradas, Nagos, Ibos, Dahomea,
Ghinea, or other parts of Africa; a European or the descendant of a European from Spain,
France, England, Portugal, or the Netherlands; a Caribbean or the descendant of a
Caribbean from Martinique, Guadeloupe, Bahamas, or the Dominican Republic; an
American or the descendant of an American from Peru, Guatemala, Honduras, Mexico,
Canada, or the United States. During the colonial period, three groups of people were
distinguished in Haiti: blacks, descendants of black Africans; whites, descendants of
white Westerners; and mulattos, descendants of a black and a white person. The law of
the land from the French perspective was that if a child was born from an illicit
relationship, that child was illegitimate; therefore, she or he was not to inherit from the
father, not even the father’s last name. A woman could not approach the man she
believed to be the father of her child for any kind of support. Even though the law of May
28, 1805, clearly stated that “it is necessary to fix in immutable order the status rights of
children born out of wedlock, and ... it is important to reconcile what nature and society
owe them with the political interest of the state,” many illegitimate children were being
brought up in extreme poverty and without an education. According to Madiou,
Dessalines contended that all Haitians had a right to share their father’s inheritance
(Leyburn, 1941, p. 181). But nothing in the law detailed that clearly, nor did the law
encourage marriage.
13
The status of a child would depend on the father’s will alone. A child could have
inheritance in his or her mother’s lineage, but from his or her father’s side, that was not
always clear. A child could not earn the title of “natural” or “illegitimate” unless the
father was married. If a couple was getting married legally, there was a provision in the
law for the couple to recognize a child who was born before marriage. That child would
carry the last name of his father, if the father chose to recognize him or her. Such a child
would have an inheritance from his or her father. Should the father refuse to recognize
the child as his, the child would have an inheritance only from his or her mother. And
that trend would continue for generation after generation.
One other factor that contributed to the moral decline of Haitian marriage was the
war for independence. Many men were killed, and often the army would keep thousands
of men away from their families. While being away from each other, one or both partners
might engage in extramarital affairs. In such relationships, children were often born. As
time went by, the man was moved to another location in the country and the mother was
left to take care of the child. Thus, mothers became the leaders of society. There was
emphasis on maternal relationship as opposed to paternal relationship. The society that
was once patriarchal became matriarchal. As a result, the household was often referred to
as the household of the mother as opposed to the father. Even a married man would say
the house was not his, that a man did not own a house. Instead, he would say, it was the
home of madame (speaking of his wife).
In addition to numerous societal issues, the government of Dessalines had to deal
with divorce. Divorce was allowed in case of adultery or incompatibility of character or
by mutual consent. The so-called adulterous act was the result of a man abandoning a
14
woman or because a woman was forced to have sex with a powerful man in the
government. Dessalines did not take steps to reverse this new trend in his empire
(Leyburn, 1941, p. 181). When Dessalines left the political scene, Henri Christophe and
Alexandre Petion came to power. Haiti was divided into two kingdoms, Henri Christophe
holding power in the entire northern side and Petion in the southern and the western. In
his first decision to establish order in the land, Henri Christophe proscribed all
relationships between men and women outside of marriage as “concubinage, libertinage”
(Leyburn, 1941, p. 181). And he declared that these acts weaken the family system and
thus destroy a society. But he did not put an end to the evil that he claimed was
destroying Haitian society. In speeches, the new emperor would urge people to get
married, but legally nothing was done in that regard.
In 1806 there was a report of an increase in the number of marriages. It was
credited to Henri Christophe’ s campaign for marriage. In fact, people resisted his
approach. He then tried to force marriage upon people. In 1806, he arrested a group of
women who were unmarried and commanded his lieutenants to take them in marriage. At
other times, he selected young men and women and ordered them to be married. The
other means that Henri Christophe used to force people into marriage was the threat of
confiscating their property. Madiou claimed that about 999 Haitians out of 1,000 were
born out of wedlock (Madiou, 1848 vol. 3, p. 411). Even though Madiou is critical of
Henri Christophe’s approach, he nonetheless sees the severity of the problems that the
new nation faced. Henri Christophe was reacting against a provision made in the law
drafted by Dessalines that guaranteed inheritance to natural children and encouraged
people to remain unmarried. In the law of March 25, 1807, he rescinded Dessalines’ law
15
by making it impossible for an illegitimate child to inherent from his or her father. A
positive result of his action was noted in the Royal Almanac of the year 1814: “Great
attention is paid to morals and manners: Marriage is honored, protected, and encouraged;
no Haitian who is unmarried can fill any place of distinction. Divorce is not permitted,”
says the author of the almanac, Le Compte de la Limonade (Leyburn, 1941, p. 184).
Leyburn says that while Henri Christophe was making progress in the north,
Petion in the west did not have to wrestle with that issue. Petion claimed that the elite
class (whites and mulattos) continued to make proper legal marriages and so insure the
inheritance of their legitimate children (see Appendix 1).
Bringing up children with such a heritage would certainly create unique
perspectives on marriage and family among Haitians. But, the fact of the matter was that
while the elite colored people continued to make proper legal marriages and so insure the
inheritance of their legitimate children, the common people lived their family life without
weddings, and if property questions arose, custom ruled, backed by public opinion in
their little communities (Leyburn, 1941, p. 184). This attitude, which was the norm in the
colonial period, continues in the present day. As was true in the colonial era, because a
man or woman is single, that does not mean the person is celibate. He or she might be in
a sexual relationship until the person feels it is time find someone else or seal the union
for an interest.
In March 1818, Jean Pierre Boyer succeeded Petion. Haitians openly accepted as
a social norm or social fact any illicit relationship outside of marriage. They termed it
plagage (common-law relationship). At this point, words like “concubinage” and
“libertinage” were deemed too strong and thus crude. But plagage was more indirect and
16
carried no connotation of disrepute (Leyburn, 1941, p. 137). A common- law relationship
was not accepted by all, but it was deemed better to be plagee than to be in concubinage.
Thus, the common people lived without marriage. Many members of the privileged
groups enjoyed sexual relations with whatever attractive men or women came their way.
For people of the lower class, marriage had an entirely different meaning. It
meant an opportunity to rise in social status and a better future for their children.
Romance was irrelevant; material interest influenced decisions. This attitude of the
French planters, current in France and in contemporary Haitian society, was the standard
of the freedmen. In 1857, Morau de Saint Remy wrote, “ Plagage , or primitive marriage,
is still one of the Haitian customs. It requires no civil or religious formality. Some of the
unions are more respectable than those sanctified by civil and religious law” (cited in
Leyburn, 1941, 189).
Dantes Bellegarde goes even further in his effort to convince society to accept the
unacceptable. He says,
Haitians have been accused of immorality because they practice free
unions. This reproach is unjust. Concubinage is without the doubt the rule
among the people [that is, peasants and workmen]; but it constitutes a sort
of connubium injustum (unlegal marriage) which, in many cases, has
nothing immoral about it, certain “placages” having more solidity and
seriousness than a large number of regular marriages. In order to
understand the existence of this custom and its persistence in the lower
classes of Haitian society, one must go back to the colonial epoch: the
whites kept numerous concubines; white women were few in Saint-
17
Domingue. (The white population of Saint-Domingue was composed in
1789 of 30,826 souls, of whom 21,166 were men and 9,660 women — not
counting soldiers and sailors.) On the other hand, the Negroes did not
marry each other, because they did not care at all to have wives whom the
master might “abuse,” to use the word of Pere du Tertre, moreover,
masters did not require their slaves to be married: they mated them with a
view to obtaining fine “products.” Concubinage tends to appear among us,
or at least to become more discreet. In the cultivated class people
generally marry, and the girls in most modest condition— having passed
through the primary schools — resign themselves willingly today to the
diversion of their unused affections to cats and other domestic animals if
no one offers to lead such girls to the altar, (cited in Leyburn, 1941, 189)
It is worth noting what John Candler, an English Quaker wrote in 1842: “But few
of the merchants or principal inhabitants are married men: concubinage is common, and
unhappily, regarded as not dishonorable.
Whenever a ball is given, or a large party invited, the invitation is equally
extended to ‘Monsieur et Madame _ or to ‘Monsieur _ and his lady’ ; and by this
compounding of moral distinctions among the upper classes, the evil descends to the
lower ranks and becomes perpetuated” (cited in Leyburn, 1941, p. 188).
Such practice was followed discreetly, for to divulge would mean to destroy a
family’s status and reputation. Even though the informal union was considered immoral,
it was scarcely condemned, except by the church. These patterns have been passed from
one generation to the next. Most Haitians are born to parents who may live together for a
18
long time but are not married. Or, they may be born to parents who were once married
but divorced. Or, they may be born out of wedlock. As the people multiplied, the related
customs of the colonial era prevailed.
From the European colonial era, Haitians learned to practice formal marriage to
establish a family with social ambition, casual sexual relations for pleasure outside of
marriage, and the claim of legitimate children to all property and illegitimate ones to
nothing (Leyburn, 1941, p. 190).
From Haiti to the United States
It is against such background that modern Haitians take their concept of marriage
with minor revision from the Western world via Hollywood. But, like Toussaint
Louverture, many Haitians of the modern era have seen this practice as a prescription for
disaster in a growing society. In fact, since the colonial time, people of wealth chose
married partners for political influences, social status, as a way to increase their own
stature and wealth. Bringing up children with such baggage where there is no apparent
trend to follow has certainly made marriage and family very difficult among Haitians.
Many young couples today are in so-called common law marriages, which are the same
as plagage. Among those who are in common-law marriages are people who were once
either married, separated, divorced or in a previous loose relationship. In this day, the
practice of common-law marriage continues in secretive form. Secretly and consciously,
many Haitians would argue that marriage is a serious matter and that they do not want to
enter it carelessly. Some may argue that cohabitation is not the definition of marriage.
The vast majority of Haitians who cohabite may confess that they know marriage is
19
sacred and that it is a serious matter. Nonetheless, some may view a common-law
marriage as a contract.
Empirical knowledge about the state of marriage in the Haitian community in the
United States is not well known at this point. The issues of adjustment and adaptation are
among the biggest discrepancies between husband and wife, and their level of marital
satisfaction is increasingly reduced. Some married couples find it difficult to learn,
negotiate, accommodate, and adjust to marriage. Their relationship often become
overloaded, as each spouse engages in activities independent of the other. Families that
are reunited in the United States after a long separation may find that their spouse has
developed a different philosophy of life that they cannot cope with. At times, unmet
needs create conflict. As each partner turns to the other for help, a vicious cycle may
create a strain in the relationship, and the damage they do to each other might be
irreparable. If they are people who claim to live their lives on principle, they may be
living together for the sake of other people and to the detriment of themselves. Some
Haitians may enter into a marital relationship with a sense that the partner must meet his
or her needs. The other factor that may make adaptation difficult for Haitians is the
change in the socioeconomic status (Keny, 2007). Often, migration pushes Haitians to
higher privilege and economic status. Change in economic status may mean a better¬
paying job or simply having a job. In the United States, Haitian children are torn by
conflicting social and cultural demands, while facing all kinds of challenges that children
in general face as they mature. In general, Haitians do not have a problem with
integrating to the mainstream culture. They advocate for one to maintain one’s own
cultural values while incorporating the positive values of the adopted culture. Most
20
Haitians oppose isolationist sentiment that is, avoiding interaction with the context of the
daily life.
However, Haitians have issues with assimilating to the values and norms of the
mainstream culture, such as portrayed by black American cultural forms of identity, the
hip-hop culture in general. Whether a family is deemed to be religious or secular, moral
orientations are well-developed and encouraged. A child’s compliance with a parent’s
request is seen as the result of the parents’ legitimate right to influence a positive
outcome for the future of their child. Haitian parents never fail to use their influence to
outline clearly the family rules, norms, and expectations that govern the life of a child in
the home and school. Some of the family rules and regulations control the frequency of a
child’s exposure to outside influence. Haitians believe that the standards that they set at
home are the underlying principles that should conduct social order. At times, the rules
and expectations can be ambiguous to the child; most of the time, this ambiguity is due to
how children try to negotiate the process because the child has difficulty abiding by the
rule. But most children know the line that they should never cross. Thus, young Haitians
grew up internalizing norms concerning proper behavior during social contact when they
are away from home. The children’s behavior is shaped by a longstanding,
intergenerational pattern of family values and personal and professional norms.
The extent to which attachment mediated the relationship between Haitian family
conflicts and depression is yet to be researched. Nonetheless, research about other aspects
of family relationships concludes that family conflict has both direct and indirect effects
on depression (Belizaire, 2007). She contends that relationships and coping strategies go
together. Interpersonal relationships between parents and children and among siblings are
21
guided by the established norms of the family and its code of ethics. In the Diaspora, at
some homes, the procedure is quite straightforward; at others, the roles might be a bit
confused. But typically, parents declare a clear hierarchy among the siblings. They then
delegate responsibility and allocate resources to the older child in accordance with the
norms and the children’s capabilities to take leadership. This principle is not always
clearly defined in homes where the siblings are of different fathers or mothers or where
one of the parents in the home is not the biological parent of the children. Therefore, the
children are usually the focal point of decision making. Psychological attachment
between parents and children in this kind of setting is usually internalized.
A genuine desire to exercise parental control and to help children to succeed in
the future causes many Haitian parents to be in conflict with laws in the United States.
Haitians perceive it to be their responsibility to care and provide for their home. These
dispositions help them make decisions about how to use their authority to teach and to
dictate how their children will perform at home and outside of the home. The particular
type of management method that they apply may be deemed inappropriate by state
departments of social services (DSS). Regardless of the law of the land, Haitians always
feel motivated by a desire to shield their children from being negatively perceived in their
community and abroad. Haitian parents refuse to allow their children to be in the street at
any time. Instead, they closely monitor and restrict the child’s social activity and general
mobility in an attempt to protect them against drugs and violence. Because of that
parenting style, Haitian children perform as goal-oriented and success-oriented during
classroom activities. Most of these students are said to be high achievers, whereas others
are not so high in their achievement for issues not related to parenting. Haitian families
22
mostly function in the face of severe hardships and daily challenges both physically and
psychologically.
The Extended Family
In the Haitian milieu, the extended family is the place where values are upheld.
The extended family provides resources to individual members. Family members provide
a level of comfort for each other. Haiti can be best described as a patriarchal society in
which the father or the husband is the head of household and/or breadwinner and the
caretaker. (The understanding is that the husband must be the breadwinner, unless the
family is struck by misfortune. Then the roles of breadwinner would be reversed.)
However, always with a careful approach, the wife assumes the economic welfare of her
family while making sure that her husband still feels that he is in charge and in control of
the family. The wife is understood as having a duty to her husband as his helpmate; she
loves her husband and cares for him. In the new role of breadwinner, the wife strives to
build her husband’s reputation within society, and she protects his reputation. This
cultural expectation often puts a woman like that at the peak of society. She would be
considered a matriarch, one who transcends the norms and succeeds. The wife’s
traditional obligation to perform domestic services, care for her children, and comply
with sexual needs of her husband all reflects society’s expectation of a matriarch.
The natural family is considered to be much larger than the nuclear one. It
consists of not only the two monogamous heterosexual parents and their children but also
the grandparents and other members of the extended family. From a cultural perspective,
it is in that family context that all essential needs are met. For Haitians, family is a social
23
institution that is patterned in predictable ways of thinking and behaving: beliefs, values,
attitudes, and norms concerning important aspects of life. The family is organized around
vital aspects of group living and serves essential functions in society. The extended
family provides a network of property ownership and support that contributes to the
family’s growth in society. The members of the family continue to be obedient to familial
authority, which is valued more than individual advancement and growth. Furthermore,
loyalty to the ties of blood kinship typically is valued more highly than intimacy between
spouses. In the United States, this tension between family loyalty and individual
advancement or couples’ intimacy continues to exist. Some people would attempt to
break up their marriages if one spouse is perceived to compete with kin for scarce
resources. For example, many families live with the grandparents as an integral part of
the family. In some rare cases, an uncle, an aunt, a cousin, or other siblings from previous
relationships may live under the same roof. This family structure provides some sort of
emotional security for family members. As a result of this type of attachment, people are
closely tied to a small urban area, suburban area, or village. They may move around,
sometimes quite far, but they remain emotionally connected even when sons and
daughters leave the family land and the bonds of kinships are not shattered. Private life in
the family becomes very important in meeting needs for human contact and emotional
environment. Each member of the family acts to provide emotional security by
countering family members’ feelings of isolation and giving them a sense of belonging.
The families are expected to create a level of safety for each other’s comfort. This is not
to say that individual members of the family cannot solve their particular difficulties with
each other. But all is done in the spirit of preserving the family bond.
24
In this context, almost everything an individual does is done as a member of the
family. The children inherit the family’s wealth. The primary function of the family is to
provide for responsible childbearing and economic support of its members. People in this
part of the world truly value tradition, duty, and personal sacrifice for the common good
and individual submission to authority, God, or fate. Personal decisions are influenced
and limited by social context. Not only demographic but also economic conditions affect
the welfare of families. In the area where this author grew up, some families were
without children, or some children were raised with either a father or a mother. The
childless family is nevertheless considered as atypical. The single-parent family usually
consists of a widowed or a divorced person who live with other relatives. Thus the
children grow in a safe environment. And these people are often not perceived to be
single family, because they belong to a larger family system, namely, the extended
family. Groups of adults and children who live together and share aspects of their lives in
common are known as communes. Communal living is one way in which a society
remains almost delinquent-free; the extended family members provide for the needs of
the child. The commune offers a way of thinking for these young people. The Haitian
church in the Diaspora also reflects this family trend. The church encourages communal
life as a way to provide a safer environment for single parents and their children. In the
same context, the childless family also fulfills a parental role in the church by providing
for and being involved in the lives of needy friends and family members.
Haitian parents take responsibility to guide, nurture, and protect their children in
developing competent adult behavior. The interpersonal communication patterns tend to
be marked by frequent dialogue and consistent limits being set for the child. Haitian
25
parents are behavior-oriented parents. Even though they may not have achieved the level
of excellence they demand of their child or children, they use certain organizational and
psychological patterns with their children. This parenting style is often typical of the
parent’s upbringing in his or her own family. Three psychosocial elements are worth
noting about Haitian upbringing. First, historically speaking, Haitians parents had been
very diligent and direct in their supervision of their children’s education. They have
always taken shared responsibility for child rearing and family tasks. Second, Haitians
believe that the economic survival of a person rests heavily upon his or her education. To
them, the survival needs of a family come first; because of that, all of the family’s
physical resources need to be invested to acquire a good education. Haitians of any
generation past would do their best to foster in their children a love for education and a
desire to strive for educational success and economic self-sufficiency. Third, one of the
means Haitian parents use to pass on this sentiment is their own life. They often use
events in their family circumstances to convince their children of the necessity to plan for
a better future. These parents honestly believe if their children’s opportunities had been
given to them when they were growing up, their achievement in life could have been
greater. Many Haitian parents are victims of economic and educational lack of privilege,
but they refuse to create a sense of victimization in their own children. They work hard to
create a sense of family progress and personal progress through the school successes of
their children. They strongly believe that if their children are to escape the difficult life
that they have endured, the children must become literate, articulate, and skilled in a
craft. Whether a Haitian parent is married, single through divorce, or otherwise, the
psychosocial interpretation is the same. Regardless of their generation, Haitians view
26
their past and current experiences in life as the determining factor for orientation or
disorientation. Whatever decisions they make about what to do with children in the home
are influenced by their own psychological experience: emotional frustration that resulted
from school, neighborhood, or workplace biases and their experience of inequalities.
They tend do their best to ensure that their children do not become victims of persistent,
devastating traumas (Kaplan, 1998, pp. 20-89). Countering gender and class, Haitian
parents, men and women, perceive their gender roles as a salient identification of self.
That is, men and women are comfortable enough to take on the responsibilities associated
with being a parent. When it comes to domestic responsibilities, Haitian parents differ in
their philosophies. For some families, house cleaning, cooking, and other things relating
to the home pertain to women only; men engage themselves in the heavy work in the
house and outside of the house. For other families, everyone must do an equal share. The
process of learning gender roles is important to describe because of its direct effect in
shaping Haitian family structure.
In the Haitian context, every child, male or female, has a right to education, even
though at times in history this may not have been the reality. At times, for the sake of
family welfare, Haitian women may choose or be asked or forced to forgo education.
From generation to generation, such an act has never been perceived as a violation of a
woman’s rights but rather as a heroic act. Haitian mothers do effectively communicate to
their children, male or female, behavior and the kind of thinking that will help them
succeed in life. Young girls are taught to avoid reliance on men for their future because
Haitian women may have had experience with male philanderers or wife beaters and
other kinds of abuses in their relationships. The struggle between trust and mistrust in
27
relationship will always surface in dialogue about life issues. No one family member was
homeless or poor by today’s economic standard. The reason for that is simple. When one
person in the family is in dire need, it is perceived to be shameful for all the other family
members in the eyes of their neighbors. Thus, the family is compelled to come to the help
of the one in need. Most of the time, economic hardship in a particular family is already
addressed prior to the knowledge of an outsider. Parents are expected to care for their
children and be responsible morally for their extended family members. In contemporary
society, the family has become less of an economic necessity. People’s livelihood
depended on their farms (in the Haitian context) or in their job, which is often the male’s
line of provision.
Interracial, Interfaith, and Intercultural Marriages
Generally, Haitians are not fascinated with any boundaries of nationality,
ethnicity, and religion. Their marriages may be interracial as well as interfaith. These
marriages are confidently expected to last for a long time. Some Haitians may enter such
relationship with a genuine intent to live in love and harmony with their spouse. The
reasons might be as diverse as a desire to explore the other’s culture and customs,
because they feel more accepted by the family of the other person, or a feeling or
perception that color or ethnicity is not a relevant issue for marriage. He or she may enter
this type of relationship for pure love and intimacy for the other partner. Intermarriage
among Haitians is not a new phenomenon. Since the colonial and postcolonial era,
Haitians intermarried, whether with blacks from different parts from Africa or people
from other parts of the Western world. Based on observation, Haitians who come to the
28
United States as children and the second generation of Haitian Americans are more likely
to marry outside of their ethnic group. The likelihood of intermarriage increases among
the second generation of Haitians. Those who choose to marry outside of the Haitian
community may do so in order to rebalance the structure of their life. Moving away from
their kindred is a way to redefine their values (Ostine, 2001). The extended families may
stereotype the non-Haitian spouse negatively in order to promote the image of Haitian
values (Ho, 1990). This behavior often puts family members at odds with each other. Or
cultural differences may strain the relationship. Other Haitians may enter such
relationships for wrong reasons.
For example, some Haitians marry a person of a different race in order to ensure
their legal status in the United States. Others do so to fulfill a sexual fantasy or a
preference for a certain skin color for their children, with a view to raising their social
status. Others want to raise their economic status; such a relationship may result in
increased economic dependence or independence. Others may enter an interracial
marriage to get back at a former lover or to escape from an abusive family or spouse. Or,
a young adult may wish to rebel against parental or societal rules (Furtado, 2007, pp. 14,
64).
Whatever the reason might be, Haitian parents would always show kindness to the
person of another race. They would demonstrate respect and offer the best treatment
possible. In their relationship with the person of another race, there could be a feeling of
superiority or a desire to show the grandeur of the Haitian culture and ethnicity. But this
feeling would always be hidden behind an assumption of normalcy (Ostine, 2001). When
29
the Haitian parents are reaching out to the parent of their child’s spouses their behavior is
circumscribed in terms of boundaries.
In their quest to form lasting relationships, young adults find it difficult to cut ties
with their loved ones and family of heritage. Should they choose to do so carelessly they
open themselves to isolation and abandonment from family members. This stage of life
can be difficult at times, depending on the usual stressors between the young adult and
his or her parents. During this phase, decision making can be very complicated for young
adults. They may even make some bad decisions that they will later live to regret. Young
adults who enjoy a good relationship with their parents may live at home until they
become economically stable and get involved in intimate relationships. However, they
remain subject to older family members’ collective efforts to protect them from life’s
hardship. They are still understood to be “mommy’s boy” and “daddy’s girl,” so to speak.
For any young adult to live at home, it is understood that the roles are clearly defined,
rules are consistent, and ultimate authority is clearly established. No matter what age one
is, respect for parents and older persons is always the norm. If a young adult exhibits
disrespectful behavior at home, he or she is at risk of compromising his or her freedom,
and the behavior may eventually result in a separation between the parents and the young
adult.
What often produces these conflicts between values in the family is a failure to
communicate comprehensively with one another. Young adults, being adapted to a new
culture, have also adopted a new worldview. They long for dialogue. This desire may be
a risk if it becomes clear that bringing conflict to the surface may put the mother or the
father in a position to explain their actions or even to apologize for mistakes. Therapists
30
should be interested to know from Haitian young adults about behavioral change and the
long-term and short-term effects on them. In the Haitian home, a child is a child no
matter how old he or she is or no matter his or her social status. Intermarriage has always
been a pattern of Haitian life experience due to the fact that Haiti is a pluralistic society in
terms of ethnicity, race, and religion. However, Sethelhare-Oagile argues that “racial and
ethnic issues continue to interact with the family cycle at every stage of intermarriage”
(2005, p. 32). When this is the case, inevitable conflicts occur. We often hear a Haitian
spouse say to his or her non-Haitian spouse, “We don’t do that in our family” or “Things
like that are unacceptable in our culture.” In order to remediate the welfare of their
family, the couple often finds it useful to be tolerant toward one another. They come
alongside of each other to cope with the difficult stress that they both experience as a
result of cultural misunderstanding.
Acculturation Stress
Acculturation is the process by which one negotiates the dominant culture without
losing one’s cultural identity. Acculturation is said to be “recognized as an important
concept in explaining the varied experiences of ethnic and cultural minorities” (Belizaire,
2007, p. 24). Many Haitian parents who migrated from Haiti experience acculturation
stress. Some of them find it difficult to learn, negotiate, and accommodate to a new set of
beliefs and value system. The type and pace of change may throw them off their rhythm
and create acculturation stress. What often creates a problem for Haitians who live
outside of Haiti is the incompatibility between their culture of origin and that of the land
that they now call home. They are required to adjust to the socioeconomic and cultural
31
mores of this new community. And sometimes these experiences are mediated by
discrimination on the basis of sex, religion, social class, race, and age. Haitians continue
to aspire to high moral values in the public domain. While immigrants, in particular
Haitian immigrants, grieve the loss of community, friends, and personal networks, they
also have the ability to settle in a new environment which they call home and have new
friends whom they call family. In a way, migration forces the Haitian to connect with and
adapt quickly to a new social structure that might be hostile to his or her culture of origin.
It requires the reconstruction of a worldview in order to learn to appreciate the complex
nature and dynamics of the new reality. Like other immigrant families, at the time of
separation Haitians often grieve at the departure for a foreign land. They often do so in
secret. For some, their grief has never stopped as long as they continue to be away from
their family members. In the meantime, they also experience a sense of gratitude for
being able to provide for their family. Once they are established in their new home, they
quickly find ways to develop a new network of friends. They try their best to stay
connected with other friends and relatives who might be near or far. As days, weeks, and
months pass, they often develop new habits and a new perspective of life that may put
them at odds with others in their family.
At times, unmet needs create conflict. As each partner turns to each other for help,
a vicious cycle may create a strain in the relationship, and the damage they do to each
other might be irreparable. If they are people who claim to live their lives on principle,
they may be living together for the sake of other people and to the detriment of
themselves. Haitians enter relationship with a sense that the partner must meet his or her
needs.
32
Acculturative stress occurs when the adoptive culture contributes to a lot of
psychological distress in one’s daily life. Belizaire explains that one can experience
acculturative stress upon contact between cultural groups, when conflicts emerge and the
level of adaptation and stability seem to be out of one’s reach (Belizaire, 2007, p. 26). For
the Haitian, the lack of social support becomes a particular need that may create stress.
The need to adapt to a culture that seems hostile to his or her worldview and ethnic
association with groups that he or she would prefer not to associate with creates stress.
Acculturative stress has been linked with some fatal experiences in the Haitian
community. More research is needed to better understand the true nature of acculturative
stress and how to cope with it.
Assimilation
Childrearing in a new culture is a challenge for Haitians. In this type of
environment, the children are torn by conflicting social and cultural demands, while
facing all kinds of challenges that children in general face as they mature. In general,
Haitians do not have a problem with integrating to the mainstream culture. They advocate
for one to maintain their own cultural values while incorporating the positive values of
the adopted culture. Most Haitians oppose isolationist sentiment that is, avoiding
interacting with the context of the daily life. In general, Haitians have issues with
assimilating to the values and norms of the mainstream culture, such as portrayed by
black American cultural forms of identity, the hip-hop culture in general.
While many Haitians of the older generation are fascinated with the political
events in Haiti, the younger generation is more concerned with events in the United
33
States. A quiet tension continues to exist between the old and new generations. The old
generation feels that the new generation of Haitians is inauthentic and insufficiently
attuned to the traditions and politics of the homeland. The new generation wishes to
break free from that mindset, the folkloric stereotype, to project a more modern,
assimilated Haitian community. On their arrival from Haiti, children face an enormous
amount of pressure. Assimilation is the process by which a person adopts a culture in
such a way that he or she may lose one’s own culture. Assimilation supposes a
relationship between culture and one’s identity. Its individualizing process causes a
detachment from one’s original culture to a foreign adopted culture. At this point, the
inclusion that is created as a result of assimilation tends to eliminate the values of the
primary culture in the profit of the newly adopted one. Haitian parents vehemently
oppose assimilation and often experience many issues with children whom they left
behind in Haiti at a very young age. This generation tends to leave their parents once they
become young adults; they also tend to live in urban areas.
Assimilation takes place over many generations, and it often brings conflict in
Haitians’ inner circle because it questions values, belief systems, and worldview. These
conflicts often lead to division among friends and families and may be irreconcilable.
When older Haitians migrated to the United States, for example, they found it difficult to
establish boundaries for their children, who seemed to embrace popular culture and reject
Haitian culture. Thus the parents find themselves imposing rigid rules on their children
that later cause division. Sometimes, problems arise due to language barriers between
parents and children.
34
Appropriate Age for Marriage
Regardless of one’s religious view of marriage, the young Haitian man must be
about nineteen year old to consider marriage. The girl can be as young as fifteen years
old. However, in this present day and age, no parents consider marrying their child before
such child finishing college. Above all, the young man must be considered respectable in
the community. He must own some valuable assets and or have achieved a good
education. From dating and courtship to marriage, the man is expected to take the first
steps. To insure proper procedures, the young girl, after being proposed to, would go
home and inform her parents of the decision. The custom was that the parents would
gather and discuss the plan for the marriage. Most of the time, the two families have
known each other well. In cases where the male is not well known, the formal way to
propose marriage to a woman was through une lettre de demande (a letter to request
marriage) (Herskovits, 1937, pp. 139-250). This practice is almost eliminated in the
psyche of the new generation.
Haitians marry by consensus. Many young men and women are said to be
sexually active since their teenage years, but many parents encourage chastity among
their children. Today, most young adults got married midway through college or after
college. It is considered shameful, reprehensible, and unfortunate for a young girl to be
found pregnant prior to marriage. In some cases, she will be put out of her home. In other
cases, the parents of the boy who got sexually involved with her might take the girl to
their home and care for her. Should the parents of the boy not approve of the girl, she
may seek shelter at the home of an extended family member or friends of the family. The
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newborn child would carry the last name of the father only if the father agreed to the
relationship. If not, the child would bear the last name of the mother.
It continues to be an undeniable fact that lack of regulation in the sociocultural
context is responsible for the decline in moral value in the Haitian milieu. As the people
multiplied, the related customs of the colonial era prevailed. From the French colonial
era, they learned to practice formal marriage to establish a family with social ambition,
casual sexual relations for pleasure outside of marriage, and the claim of legitimate
children to all property and illegitimate ones to nothing (Leyburn, 1941, p. 190). Both
ideologies are reflected in the established law of the first two prominent and most
influential leaders of the land: Emperor Jean-Jacques Dessalines and Henri Christophe,
respectively. “From among these alternatives Haiti made a choice which is an example of
what Keller calls ‘automatic selection in the mores’” (1931, chaps. 4-5).
Since the pre-colonial era until this day, Haitians have learned to be family-
oriented, to have a personal tie with the land of their ancestors, the importance of wealth
to stabilize a union, and the significance and the insignificance of a wedding ceremony.
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CHAPTER 3
UNDERSTANDING BIBLICAL TEACHING ON MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, AND
REMARRIAGE
Perceptions of Marriage and Family among Haitians
In the past, there were two ways in which a Haitian family might be formed. The
first of these was through common-law relationships; the second was through religious
marriage. Many Haitians attach a certain prestige to marriages performed in the church.
To those who do so, marriage is sanctioned to be permanent. Marriage is often the result
of consent on the part of a man and a woman. Since the nation’s formative stage until
now, religion shaped the Haitian mentality concerning marriage and family. Religion is
one facet of communal life that reflects the history of marriage and family. A Haitian’s
perception of marriage might be a reflection of his or her theology. Vodou was the
religion of some of the slaves (Heaven, 2003, pp. 262-263). Just as Christianity plays a
major role in decision making about marriage and family, so Vodou plays a big role in
some Haitian families.
Before marriage, a Vodou believer would perform the necessary rites for his or
her gods before the actual marriage ceremony. “If they are devotees of deities such as
Damballa, Erzilie, Ogon, or Aida Wedo, all of whom are known to be extremely jealous”
(Herskovits, 1937, p. 139), the Vodou believer would present offering in honor of the god
or gods to whom the family is subservient. In Vodou rituals, the god may object to a
particular marriage of his servant. In principle, prior to a couple’s union, the Vodou
devotee would be asked to marry his or her god before engaging in a marital vow with a
human lover. At times, a couple might be married because the god has ordered him or her
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to do so to preserve the family tied with the god. According to Metraux, “A Voodooist
who simply wishes to put himself under the protection of a god can make a formal
proposal of marriage” (Metraux, 1972, p. 212). This marital vow is deemed to be
indissoluble. In Vodou, marriage is a legal bond between the god and the devotee. One’s
life would be in peril if one is found to be unfaithful in fulfilling the marital vow to the
god.
The marital ceremony is sealed with the exchange of finger rings between the
god, who is represented by a godfather or a godmother, and the devotee. The ring is a
sign of dependence and reliance on each other. “The marriage entails obligations and
responsibilities, that is, the god will watch over his or her spouse and in return the spouse
must give presents to the god” (Metraux, 1972, p. 213). The spouse must set apart a night
in which he or she will have a sexual encounter with the god. Failure to do so may result
in severe consequences, which may even lead to death. A Vodou priest ( houngan )
performs the ceremony. At the end of the ceremony, the priest reads a text that is
considered a marriage certificate that authenticates the legality of the marriage between
the god and the human devotee (see Appendix 2).
Marriage and Family: Goals and Purposes
For Christians, marriage is an institution created by God by which a man leaves
his family to cleave to his wife. The couple receives the approbation of God. They unite
their hearts and minds through a lifelong promise to love each other in good times as well
as in bad times. They commit themselves to forsake all other pleasures for the sake of
each other. They own all in common. They promise to be with one another for better or
38
for worse, until death do them part. Both Catholic and Protestant churches hold the view
that divorce is impossible. The church teaches that marriage is a religious, sacred act, and
not a civil act. The church argues that marriage is from God. Marriage is the institution
through which a male and a female intimately vow their heartfelt allegiance to one
another. Marriage is indissoluble. It is meant to be permanent.
God is the primary mover in love. Marriage is a reflection of God’s character. We
love in the manner that God loves. God’s love is unconditional. It initiates action. It is
proven not in empty words but in deeds (1 John 3:18). All Scripture quotations are from
the New International Version. God’s love leads to sacrifice (Ephesians 5). God’s love
involves forgiveness. God’s love involves complete acceptance. God’s love is a
commitment. God’s love leads us to joyful praise. When the husband and the wife are
committed to love each other as God loves them, their love will endure. They will be kind
to one another. They will learn to bear all things for each other’s sake (1 Corinthians 13).
They will believe in each other, endure hardship together, and suffer with one another
while hoping for a better future. It is only through this kind of commitment that a married
couple will have the energy and interest to love one another for life.
The Man and the Woman Become One Flesh
The feeling leading to dating and courtship begins like a mystery. “There are three
things that are too amazing for me, the way of a man with a maiden” (Proverbs 30: 19).
Theories of attraction claim that people are attracted to other people for entirely different
reasons. Due to the fact that sexuality and inner beauty are immeasurable by attraction,
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thus go the old sayings: like attracts like, and opposites attract. Some people may contend
that the ones who are similar attract each other because they share the same value system.
Nonetheless, no matter what the theory is, the way of a man with a maiden
remains a mystery. Proverbs 30:19 points to a sentiment that is strong enough to form a
bond. The focus is on marriage. The way a young woman gives her love to a young man
or how the two of them fall in love is a mystery. The love of a man for a woman and vice
versa is part of God’s creative plan and therefore can be enjoyed and appreciated without
fully comprehending it.
Equally mysterious is how two people can find their attraction and create a bond
but then later distort the sacredness of their relationship (Proverbs 30:20). The mystery of
human attraction may create a level of uncertainty. But this uncertainty may not be the
result of the complexity of the unknown or the unpredictable. It could be the result of a
lack of commitment and loyalty to the demands that the mystery of attraction creates.
Indeed, we are sinners, and as such, we may easily dismiss a vow even if it is to our peril.
Many people profess loyalty at the time of their mysterious findings, but a faithful person
who can find (Proverbs 20:7)? The righteous person behaves with integrity. The marriage
vow is a vow of loyalty (unfailing love) and faithfulness, both desirable qualities in a
relationship that lasts forever (see Proverbs 3:3; 19:22). But not everyone who claims to
have those qualities does.
The third mystery is when one sees or hears about an unloved man or woman
getting married (Proverbs 30:23). Whether the mystery of the relation is difficult or easy,
the individual who cannot love may find a way to destroy the bond of marriage. Sexuality
expresses relationship. The whole system of human procreation rests solely upon sexual
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acts. Sexuality should limit itself to marriage (Hebrews 13:4). The context of marital
union is the locus of sexuality. It is the act that consummates marriage as an honorable
and a sacred act. Sexuality is an act upon one’s body. Thus, to engage in sexual
expression outside of God’s established norms, that is, marriage, is to desecrate one’s
body. In Christian perspective, the body is a person’s way of being in relation to others
Sexuality expresses union. Marriage is a union whose empirical authenticity is sex. It
cannot be profaned.
Marriage is a Covenant
Marriage is a covenant of brotherhood that cannot be broken with impunity. A
covenant of brotherhood refers to an agreement made between groups or individuals and
is understood as being sacred and unbreakable. It is a compact sealed by loyalty to God
and to the promised individual (see, e.g., 1 Samuel 18:1-4; 20:8, 12-17, 42). Breaking a
covenant is breaking a union with God, because God is the author and the prime witness
(Leviticus 5:1; Proverbs 29:24; Numbers 35:30; Deuteronomy 17:6; 19:15) of a
covenantal relationship (Malachi 2:14). One can understand why God had forbidden the
Israelites to make treaties or enter into covenant relationship with the Canaanites, because
covenant relationship involves risk and implies accountability (Deuteronomy 7:2). At the
heart of the exchange, God is being called as a witness. In marriage, God is the first
witness (Malachi 2:14). Marriage is sealed with a vow with God as a witness. Since
marriage is created by God, we can deduce that when a man enters into marriage with a
woman, both people enter into a covenant relationship with God (Isaiah 54:5; Jeremiah
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3:14; 2 Corinthians 11:2; see also Isaiah 1:21; Ezekiel 16:22; Matthew 9:15; John 3:29;
Revelation 2:22; 19:7).
A study of covenant relationship between God and his people reveals the
following truth. First, one cannot break a covenant with impunity. In the marital
covenant, the man and woman make a vow to each other for better or for worse, but to
keep. This promise is made in the presence of the invisible God in the assembly of his
servants. It is the presence of God that seals the vow. A vow is a bond. In every case, we
are bound irretrievably to keep our word, unless there is an ethical issue that requires one
to retreat from a previous vow (see Ecclesiastes 5:4-5). One ought to keep a vow even if
it seems to be detrimental to oneself.
How does God react when the covenant of brotherhood is broken? God demands
accountability. Hear what the prophet Amos had to say: “For three sins of Tyre, even for
four, I will not turn back my wrath” (Amos 1:9). The sin is that Tyre sold whole
communities of Israelites captives to Edom, disregarding a treaty of brotherhood. This
statement expresses God’s determination to hold the people of Tyre and Edom
accountable for their rebellious acts. God’s anger will not turn back; he will carry out his
decree and punish the nation for its great sinfulness. Notice that the one transgression for
which God says he will turn his wrath against Tyre is the breach of treaty obligations;
Tyre broke the brotherly covenant that was established between Solomon and Hiram king
of Tyre (1 Kings 5:12). They did so by mistreating God’s people. In this context, God’s
mandate to Noah (Genesis 9:5-7) is probably in view. Hence, breaking a covenant of
brotherhood causes anger, personal vengeance, and hatred in one’s heart. Every time a
covenant is broken between two people, anger, hatred, and fury arise.
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Malachi presents marriage to one’s companion (spouse) in terms of a covenant of
brotherhood. The wife is a lifelong companion with whom a man joins in unity. This kind
of bond is permanent (Hugenberger, 1994; Balswick & Balswick, 1991; see also Walsh,
2003). One cannot break the bond without causing major damage. When the prophet
Malachi wanted to call attention to the seriousness of breaching a vow, he said,
Have we not all one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the
covenant of our fathers by breaking faith with one another? Judah has broken
faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has
desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign
god. As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the Lord cut him off
from the tents of Jacob — even though he brings offerings to the Lord Almighty?
Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail
because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with
pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is acting as the
witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith
with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not
the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because
he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break
faith with the wife of your youth. “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel,
“and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,”
says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.
(Malachi 2:10-16)
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The seriousness of vows and the understanding that marriage is indissoluble are
reinforced in Matthew 19:10-12, Deuteronomy 23:22-23, and Proverbs 20:25 (see Ben
Sira 18:22). The warnings are against the reckless attitude that many people tend to have
with regard to marriage. Rather than make vows recklessly, it is best not to make a vow
at all, thus saving oneself from possible misfortune (Deuteronomy 23:21-23). First and
foremost, the covenant relationship between God and people is based on “God’s love”
(Deuteronomy 4:37-38). And God promised to keep his part of the covenant he had made
with humankind (Deuteronomy 9:5). In the ancient world, the oath of a covenant made in
the framework of a ritual ceremony was sacred. The punishment for violating the oath
was a great curse (see Revelation 5:34ff.). The marital covenant holds the same
formulation as the priestly covenant that God made with Abraham, in which God
promised to be the God of Abraham and his descendants and they would be God’s people
(Genesis 17:7-8). The terminology is connected with marriage and adoption. In its
original setting, the promise is made unconditionally to those who are loyal and willing to
fulfill their obligations and duties before God and consequently to one another. Similarly,
marriage is sealed with an oath in the presence of God. The covenant of promise in the
marital relationship is unconditional and assumes eternal loyalty. “Therefore what God
has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6b).
“Is It Lawful for a Man to Divorce His Wife?”
According to the prophet Malachi (Malachi 2:10-16), divorce is an abomination to
the Lord. Divorce profanes the covenant, breaks faith with one another, and is detestable
to God. Divorce “desecrates the sanctuary the LORD loves.” To avoid desecration in
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marriage, God condemns unequal yoking, “marrying the daughter of a foreign god.” The
expression may refer to a goddess. In Ezra 10:2 and Nehemiah 13:26, the expression is
“strange wives.” She is a “strange wife” because of her spiritual association. She belongs
to a different god, as opposed to the real God, the God of Israel. In Malachi, Ezra, and
Nehemiah the issue was not about a foreigner, even though a non-Jew was a foreigner.
The issue was about interfaith marriage, or what the apostle Paul called being unequally
yoked. Believers may only marry believers (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). The injunction “Do
not be yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14) is an agricultural metaphor
that calls up the mental image of an ox and a donkey being harnessed together in a double
yoke (Deuteronomy 22:10). No believer is to be mismated with an unbeliever. When
believers and unbelievers yoke together, their union profanes the sanctity of God’s altar.
The union leads the believer to idolatry (in the Septuagint, “and has gone after other
gods”) and perhaps worship of Astarte. According to Malachi, when Judah marries “the
daughter of a foreign god,” Judah has done a detestable thing. Morally speaking, Judah’s
act is wickedness. The phrase “Judah has committed a detestable thing” is used to express
how being unequally yoked with a nonbeliever compromises the believer’s values, goals,
standards, and motivations. The values of a believer are not only incompatible with those
of an unbeliever, but also they are diametrically opposed to each other (see also
Sethlhare-Oagile, 2005, p. 30). The act is deceitful and a transgression. God calls the act
an “abomination.” Something is an abomination to the Lord when it is in connection with
moral, religious, and cultic interdictions.
In Malachi 2:14, we read, “It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between
you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is
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your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.” In this text we see Malachi pleading
the case for marriage as a covenant of brotherhood. Amos 1:9-10 and Obadiah 1:10-15
speak clearly about the nature and character of such a covenant. First, this covenant
underlines the obligations that one has to common humanity. The principles that arise
from biblical examples of relationship, such as David and Jonathan, offer a basic
understanding with regard to an ethical standard of living. Within the human family as a
whole, there are some to whom we bear a closer relationship: this may be a relationship
deliberately formed and sealed with a compact (Amos 1:9), for example, a marriage; or a
relationship inherited by blood (Amos 1:11); or one that is sealed by faith, for example,
being a Christian. With this perspective in mind, Amos brings us to one important
principle that applies to all relationships: the inviolability of the pledged word. For
anyone to violate all rights and privileges that pertain to a relationship creates an ethical
dilemma, which God condemns.
In Deuteronomy 24, Moses discussed the issue of divorce and remarriage. The
Pharisees asked, “Why then did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of
divorce and send her away?” (Matthew 19:7). In response to that question, Jesus explains
the purpose of the law to the Pharisees: first, “Moses permitted you,” not commanded
you. The verb “to permit” or “to allow” suggests the concept of a concession. Second,
Jesus says that “it was due to the hardness of your heart that Moses permitted you to
divorce your wife.” Paul offers the concept of “reconciliation” for those who were
married and then separated. But one would never reconcile with one another if the heart
is hardened. So divorce is the result of the hardness of the heart. In so saying, Moses
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permitted divorce as a concession to remediate a bad situation. In this case, he also
permitted remarriage.
But Moses also said that the divorced woman was defiled. Why is the woman
unclean after her second marriage? The word defiled or unclean is said to refer to
infidelity. The greatest uncleanness was idolatry, which defiled the temple and the land.
The woman was unclean under the same principle that God has declared Israel “defiled”
or “unclean” after it had gone after other gods (Ezekiel 22:4; cf. 14:11; 36:25; 37:23).
The act of defilement constitutes a deceit and misrepresentation of marriage. Remarrying
a woman whom one had divorced after discovering an indecency in her (Deuteronomy
24:1-4) constitutes, in essence, a lack of integrity and a hypocritical attitude toward
marriage (Weinfeld, 1992). Moses says that the woman is defiled due to the illicit
relationship, which may have occurred in divorce or deliberate adultery. What one needs
to understand is that Moses was not giving guidance or prescription for divorce in
general. In Moses’ time, divorce was clearly an institution by means of which injustices
against women were perpetrated. But Moses affirms marriage and modesty to be
preserved between men and women. This part of the prohibition given by Moses is said
to be one of the prohibitions that the Israelites understood to be not good (Ezekiel 20:25),
that is, this piece of legislation was not absolutely good but only relatively good. It was a
proverbial law as opposed to a universal and perpetual law. It was given as a prohibition
in case of violation, as Paul says in Romans 5:20, when he explains that “the law was
added so that the trespass might increase.”
In Matthew, Jesus explains that there is an obvious distinction in the case of
infidelity. But Jesus wants at the same time to preserve the bond of the relationship by
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allowing no excuse for a new marriage. Infidelity of any kind in a relationship affects the
fundamental unity of the covenant. This unity is actualized in accordance to creation.
This image is preserved even when one is forced to legally distance himself or herself
from the relationship. Divorce from a legal standpoint permits another union, but from a
biblical standpoint it does not. That is why the Old Testament clearly explains that the
Lord is in the business of strengthening relationships (Hosea; Malachi). “He repudiates
divorce.”
According to 1 Corinthians 5:1 and 1 Corinthians 6:9, the first-century world
perceived the command about marital fidelity as an unconditional divine command. That
is why people understood marriage and adultery not as matters of civil law but as matters
of the holy will of God (1 Thessalonians 4:3; 1 Corinthians 6:18). Jesus’ teaching on
divorce and remarriage opposes the concession of the law that seeks to prohibit a
woman’s remarriage to her first husband after being defiled by a second husband. As
indicated in Matthew 19:3-4, Jesus bases his teaching on the intent of the law, namely,
Genesis 2:24 as opposed to its concession. In so doing, Jesus provides to his hearers a
scriptural hermeneutic, that is, how the law should be read and understood. The intent of
the law (Genesis 2:24) is to provide guidance in case of treachery or violation in human
relationship. Jesus says that Moses provided for divorce as a concession to people’s
hardheartedness, but divorce is not part of God’s original plan. Marriage actualizes the
idea of creation, the fact that men and women bear the image of God (Matthew 5:32;
19:8). On this fact, Jesus rejects the provision of divorce. According to Jesus, the
remarriage of the divorced person is tantamount to adultery (Mark 10:9-12; Luke 16:18;
1 Corinthians 7:10, 11, 39; Romans 7:1-3). Matthew reports Jesus’ teaching about the
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new ethos of adultery (Matthew 5:27). It is the heart of that decision. If the idea of the
marriage bond is abandoned in the heart, the marriage is broken. The marriage is broken
when the promise that was made in the ceremony “to love, to cherish, in good health and
in sickness, for better or for worse” is broken. The true meaning of fidelity is proven only
when two individuals honor the commitment that they made for life. When they promise
to remain inwardly and outwardly one, the promise must be kept. Jesus further explains
the teaching of Moses: “It was because your hearts were hard.” It was not God’s intent
from the beginning (Mark 10:5-6).
The question about the legality of divorce is based on writings found in the Book
of the Covenant and the Priestly Code. But both books bear lines of argument that
provide a fuller understanding then the Wisdom books, which praise conjugal fidelity
(Proverbs 5:15-19; Ecclesiastes 9:9). When the Pharisees ask Jesus, “Is it lawful,” this
must not be understood as whether divorce was prescribed in the Law of Moses. The Old
Testament perceives marriage to be a covenant in itself. The book of Hosea is based on
this perspective. There was a written contract for marriage; that is why a written
document was required in case of a divorce. Therefore cohabitation without contractual
vows was not marriage. Old Testament people knew that they were not free to divorce
their spouse on the same ground that they were not free to engage in extramarital or
premarital sex. Moses made it clear that if the first husband remarries the divorced wife,
it was an “abomination to the Lord.”
The Jews’ inquiry was not on the issue of divine rights or legal human right, for
they had already concluded that as priests, teachers of the law, they had a divine mandate
and legal standing to do what they did. They wanted to know whether or not Jesus would
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substantiate what had become current practice (Matthew 15:26; 20:15; Mark 12:14; Acts
8:37; 2 Corinthians 12:4). Jesus says that marriage is between one man and one woman;
being united for life is God’s intent for marriage. Those who came to question Jesus did
not want to address the psychosocial dilemma caused by problems in relationships; they
wanted to know to what school of thought Jesus belonged. The question did not address
the Law of Moses, according to the Deuteronomic school of thought. The conversation is
rather Midrash, a form of dialogue that states “let our master teach us.” Although they
were malicious in their inquiry, they desired to know, “Is it lawful in your view for a man
to divorce his wife?” One must remember the political developments of the time.
Josephus ( Antiquities of the Jews 18.5.2) told us that Salome, a daughter of Herodias, sent
a bill of divorce to her husband and thus dissolved her marriage with him (see Appendix
3). This was not the custom of the Jews. Josephus contends that on that account Herod
killed John the Baptist, “who was a good man, and commanded the Jews to exercise
virtue, both as to righteousness towards one another, and piety towards God” ( Antiquities
of the Jews 18.5.2).
It is enlightening to see that Matthew and Mark have the same perspective about
marriage. In fact, the account in Matthew 19 is essentially the same as the account in
Mark 10. For Mark, the didactic ministry of Jesus is of considerable importance, whereas
for Matthew, the prophetic ministry is much more in view. Since Jesus is the fulfillment
of the law, his teaching on the issue of marital relationship is final. Matthew and Mark
approach the issue of marriage, divorce, and remarriage from the standpoint of the
sociocultural controversy of the time. In Mark 10:2, the debate is about divorce in
general, whereas in Matthew 19:3, the dispute is about divorce for “every cause.” There
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is also a second difference between the two texts. Mark 10:11 reads, “Anyone who
divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her,” but in
Matthew 19:9 the phrase “against her” does not appear. Matthew contends simply that
“anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another
woman commits adultery.” Matthew chose not to include a statement we find in Mark
10:12, “And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits
adultery.” Mark talks about the woman divorcing her husband, which is out of the
ordinary. Matthew says nothing about this. A grammatical study of the exception clause
leads us to conclude the following possible interpretation. The focus should be on the
adverb “except,” which can be interpreted as “not,” “not even,” “not only,” or “but even,”
“in addition to” or “outside of.” The distinction between Matthew and Mark is
pedagogical, not exegetical, since the meaning of the text remains. Jesus said that a
person who divorces and then marries someone else commits adultery. The exception
clause has to do with the issue of a rightful decision to divorce, since that was what the
question was about. But Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 19 is consistent with Matthew 5:32.
Jesus holds man and woman liable for adultery if he or she divorces his or her faithful
spouse and then marries someone else. The exception clause is not a provision for
remarriage but for divorce. Second, according to Matthew 5, a person does not sin if the
other partner has been sexually promiscuous, but remarriage is still adultery. If a man
commits adultery, the same law applies for all believers (see Mark 10:1-12; Luke 11). If a
man or a woman marries after divorce, he or she has committed adultery. Whoever
marries a divorcee becomes one flesh (1 Corinthians 6:16). The issue is about the putting
away of one’s spouse and the danger that pertains to it. What is the danger? A woman
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will become an adulteress; the act of divorcing her will cause her to stumble. How could
she be exposed to adultery? She will be perhaps involved in a new relationship with
another man. Divorce does not eliminate the marriage vow.
“For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is
alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she
marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her
husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she
marries another man” (Romans 7:2-3). According to this text, by having a relationship
with someone else, she commits adultery. If she were to remarry, it is an act of adultery,
because her husband is still living. Marriage cannot be broken, but separation is possible.
If she remains celibate, she has not committed adultery. Adultery has to do with a sexual
relationship with someone other than one’s spouse. Paul, echoing the teaching of Jesus,
said that if a person marries, he or she is to stay married. If a person cannot tolerate
certain vices and decides to separate, he or she must remain celibate. If a person cannot
do that, he or she is to reconcile with the spouse.
In this case, Paul was not answering the question of defilement. The defilement is
spiritual and toward God. If God forgives a person under the law of the new covenant, a
spouse ought to forgive. All sins are forgivable. If so, people can reconcile with one
another. That is the new covenant, the new provision that Jesus made by shedding his
blood. Many people use legal ground as a cover for selfishness and hatred. By using the
legal means, they pretend to be righteous. But Jesus is saying that if one divorces his
spouse, he is responsible for making him or her adulterer or adulteress (unless the person
has already done so by being sexually promiscuous). The line of argument on Jesus’ part
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is that a man would leave his parents to cleave to his wife. They have become one flesh,
and it is not possible to separate what has become one flesh unless one partner dies. Jesus
explains the mystery of one flesh — two bodies become one body. To do away with a
marriage is to kill the being. In this case, the implication is that a person who kills a
marriage is a murderer. God created this organic union of the two sexes, and when they
are cut apart, their heart, which was firmly bonded, will be cut. In doing so, one kills a
new life that was one.
Perspectives of Marriage and Family from the Book of Hosea
In evaluating the message of Hosea, we find one of the major themes is an
emphasis on a proper relationship between faith and ethics. The people of Israel and Judah
had played the harlot (Amos 5:2; Hosea 4:12; 5:7; 9:1; 11:7; 13:16; Isaiah 1:21).
Furthermore, the people had not treated their fellow man as they should have. Specifically,
God had looked for justice (mishpat) among them and found bloodshed (mishpah); for
righteousness (tsedekah) and a cry (tseakah) (Isaiah 5:7). The cry had been that of the poor
(as noted in Malachi 2), the orphaned, the widowed, and the strangers. Transgression after
transgression (Amos 2:6) made the judgment of God inevitable. At the same time, each
prophet preached the possibility of hope if there were changes (Amos 9: 11-15; Hosea 2: 19-
20; 14:4; Isaiah 33:14-15; Micah 5:2). In the prophetic messages, we see God’s plea for
righteousness above ritual. It is clearly understood that to the ordinary Israelite, sin was a
neglect of the ritual regulations; to the prophets, it was a violation of the moral law of God.
The rites and ceremonies of the people were not expressions of genuine worship but were
substitutes for moral living. Worship was a means to an end but not an end in itself. The
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reality of worship was ethical results in the lives of the people. Righteousness comes before
rituals (cf. Amos 5:21-24; Isaiah 1:11-17; Micah 6:6-8).
At the beginning of his ministry, Hosea was instructed by God to marry Gomer,
“an adulterous wife,” who would then bear to him “children of unfaithfulness” (Hosea
1:2). God used Hosea’ s marriage to illustrate Israel’s sin. Israel had committed open
adultery with other gods. In order that he might fulfill God’s command, Hosea married
Gomer (Hosea 1:3). She bore him a son whom they named Jezreel, meaning “God
scatters.” Gomer then had a daughter, who was called Lo-Ruhamah, “not pitied,” showing
that God would no longer pity Israel (Hosea 1:6-7). Finally, Gomer had a second son, Lo-
Ammi, which means either “not my people” or “illegitimate.” Israel had acted as if they
were not people of the Lord. As a result, they have invited the judgment of God. But some
day God would restore them after their humiliation. The phrase “bore him a son” is not
used to describe the fact that the third child was named “illegitimate” or “not my people.”
Rather, it suggests that the son (and perhaps the daughter) was from a relationship Gomer
had with another man. This seems to be supported by Hosea 2, which consists of comments
made by two spurned husbands: Hosea and God. We see Hosea is speaking to Gomer’s
children regarding the fact that their mother had “conceived them in disgrace” (Hosea 2:5).
This accusation is tied to the fact that God claims that Israel has been involved in a love
affair with other gods; despite all the good care she has received from her husband (Hosea
2:8-13). Hence, God will punish her for her indecent act of adultery (Hosea 2:21-23).
Hosea fully understood how his marriage fit into his ministry. It becomes evident in
the text that Hosea’ s main concern was not with political disorder or social and economic
evils, as was the case for Amos. Hosea penetrates to the heart of Israel’s problem: the
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broken covenant. The source of all evil in Israel was the dissolution of that sacred bond
upon which the nation was founded. Cut apart from God, Israel was no longer capable of
faithfulness and steadfast love. As a result, it became “among the nations like a worthless
thing” (Hosea 8:8).
In Hosea, marriage is a covenant that is based on a promise of faithfulness. God
was faithful to Israel, and this fact is seen in Hosea’s faithfulness to Gomer. Faithfulness
of God is defined as that which exhibits God’s character as worthy of the love. He will
certainly fulfill his promises, as well as execute his threats against sin. It is also said that
the faithfulness of God means that one can place complete confidence in him. Hosea’s
faithfulness to Gomer is a proof of God’s faithfulness to Israel. Like Gomer, however,
Israel has a history of disloyalty to her faithful partner. She turns away from his
commandments and worships idols. Throughout the relationship, Hosea demonstrates
how God remained faithful to Israel. The marriage between Hosea and Gomer is, indeed,
an act of obedience to God.
Scholars disagree about the phrase “an adulterous wife” (Mays, 1969, p. 26). For
some Old Testament scholars, Gomer was a prostitute prior to the time Hosea courted
her. This assumption is based on the fact that the Lord commanded Hosea to take an
adulterous wife. Mays argues that Gomer could not have been simply a woman of
unknown promiscuous tendencies because that would not serve the purpose of God’s
instruction to Hosea. He contends that a common prostitute would satisfy God’s
command. The expression “go take” in reference to a woman seems to support Mays’s
point of view. T. E. McComiskey argues that the command “go, take a harlot” does
connote the idea of taking a woman of fornication (1992, pp. 13-15). She could be either
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married or unmarried. He also argues that the verb “to take” governs both the woman of
fornication and the children of fornication (in this case the verb denotes adoption). So
McComiskey concludes that Hosea will marry and at the same time adopt children of a
sexually promiscuous woman. It appears to be illogical for Hosea to follow the
instruction of God to go after a woman with immoral tendencies. Hosea is to marry (to
take) for his wife a prostitute (zana). D. A. Garrett explains that Hosea, in obedience to
God’s command, took an immoral woman by the name of Gomer (1997, pp. 50-54). He
asserts that the term promiscuous means that Gomer was a prostitute or simply immoral.
The word does not imply what she might do later on. Hosea is describing her current
state; she is “a promiscuous woman.”
However, other scholars contend that the expression is an anticipation of what
Gomer would become. Wolff argues that the term refers to young women in general who
were ready for marriage (1974, p. 15). He asserts that Gomer is simply representative of
her contemporaries in Israel. Macintosh claims that the expression “an adulterous
woman” characterizes a behavior that would later be capitalized (1997, p. 8). He writes
that Hosea alludes to the subsequent rather than to the present behavior of Gomer. The
first argument can be validated if one interprets the word zana or zona literally. Hence the
word means “promiscuous.” Furthermore, the Lord indicates to Hosea what he ought to
do: “take a promiscuous woman.” He did not intend to say she will become promiscuous
or a harlot. However, the second argument can also be valid if one tends to explain the
meaning of the text from its context. Since what we have in the book of Hosea is an
object lesson, one must see that Hosea is using metaphoric language. In other words,
Gomer was truly a young virgin who enters into a marriage relationship with Hosea, who
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symbolized God. Prior to the covenant relationship, Israel was pure (Hosea 2:15), but she
corrupted herself by going after other gods. No matter what the state of Gomer was at the
time of the marriage, her subsequent unfaithfulness was enough to satisfy the intended
symbolism. Taking this into account, the children born to Hosea are not necessarily
illegitimate children. Therefore, the contention of McComiskey that Hosea adopted the
children is incorrect. The expression “children of unfaithfulness” must be understood
with the context of the book of Hosea. Gomer was a harlot and therefore unfaithful to her
husband. Thus, the expression “children of unfaithfulness” should be understood as
children born to an unfaithful mother. Scholars who follow the footstep of McComiskey
argue that the children are illegitimate due to the names that they have received. The text
indicates that Jezreel is born to Hosea, but this terminology is not used for the two others.
The critic rests upon the significance of the names given to these children: “Lo-Ruhamah
(I will show no mercy, Hosea 2:6) and Lo-Ammi (you are not my people, Hosea 2:7). But
what this critic fails to understand is the significance of the name within the context. The
names are expressions of God’s dissatisfaction of the type of life that the people were
living. God declares that he will judge his people for their unfaithfulness. We know this
to be true because later, Hosea said they are called Lo-Ammi, but in the future they will
be called “sons of the living God” (Hosea 2:1). Due to Gomer’s unfaithfulness
(metaphorically Israel’s unfaithfulness), Hosea (metaphorically the Lord) has threatened
to disown the children. He also threatened to strip Gomer (Israel) naked (Hosea 2:3; see
Garrett, 1997, p. 57). He said he will not have mercy upon them (Hosea 2:4; see Hubbard,
1989, p. 63), but yet, he will show mercy to them. They will be called once again
“children of the living God” (Hosea 1:11). God was under no obligation to accept the
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adulterous children as his children, but because of his loving-kindness he accepts them.
We see that in Ho sea, God has been dishonored in his official character by his wife,
Israel. Nonetheless, his manifest glory and goodness have never changed. God’s
faithfulness can be closely linked to his immutability, his unchangeable character. He
remains true to his word because it is not his character to change. His word, being the
expression of his steadfast character, stands without variation.
The discussion can be validated when one takes into consideration the reason
behind the significance of the second and the third child of Gomer. As we discussed
above, the names of the children denote the discontentment of God regarding Israel’s
lifestyle. The children’s names express the reason why the Lord is going to judge his
people. In Hosea 2:2-13, the prophet explains that the Lord would withdraw compassion
for the Northern Kingdom but would continue to display love for the Southern Kingdom
(Hosea 2:7). Lo-Ruhamah and Lo-Ammi are children who foreshadow judgments to
come. It was the custom in the ancient Near East that when a wife revealed herself
unworthy of the love of her husband, she automatically would be rejected by her
husband; she was defiled (Stuart, 1987, p. 51). Thus, the names of these children prove
that Gomer (Israel) had defiled herself and that Hosea (God) was no longer obligated to
feed and clothe her. The idea was that a woman who humiliated her husband would be
cast out with no means of support. That is why the Lord says by decree that he would
strip his wife naked (Hosea 2:3) and disown her children (Hosea 2:4).
In Hosea 2:2, the children are exhorted to rebuke their mother. It must be
understood that their mother in this case is the land. Chisholm says that she can be
viewed as the mother of the future children of the land. So the instruction is for the
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children to plead against their mother’s offensive behavior. But in Hosea 2:11 we see that
though the Lord would punish his wife for her unfaithfulness, he would not reject her
forever. To fulfill the Davidic covenant, Israel and Judah will reunite under the leadership
of one king (Hosea 3:5). The Lord will reinstate them in their land (Hosea 2: 14-23).
Hosea (the Lord) exhorted Gomer (Israel) to put away her unfaithfulness and her
adultery. The Lord threatened to remove her fertility. The expression may refer to her
legal marital rights. However, despite all the threats, the Lord was not ready to let his
adulterous wife go. As a result, the Lord will corner her in order to force her to submit to
his will. The Lord will speak seductively and romantically to his wife to convince her to
stay home. Eventually, she will response to the love of her husband (Hosea 2:16). Then
the Lord will provide a shelter for her. Israel will recognize the lordship of God and
submit to it. The Lord uses an agricultural image to describe the restoration process. He
says, “I will plant her.” The language indicates that she will take root in the land and
produce fruit. When God sows, the result is obviously fascinating. Once again Israel will
be restored; God will say, “You are my people and she will say you are my God” (Hosea
1:11).
In Hosea 3:1-5, the prophet explains how the Lord instructed him to retrieve his
wife. Scholars disagree concerning the identity of the wife. For some, the wife is none
other than Gomer. Mays argues that Hosea 3:1 is a continuity of the dramatic relation
between God and Israel. He says that the woman that Hosea is to love is to be a wife who
has given herself to the love of another and so is an adulteress (Mays, 1969, pp. 54-57).
He concludes that the symbolism is best served if the woman is Gomer. The context
seems to support that claim. It makes sense to argue that the wife who left is Gomer (the
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image of Israel) and that Hosea is playing the role of the Lord in going after her (Hosea
3:3-5). Macintosh (1997, p. 96) argues that Hosea 3:1 may be an emendation from the
compiler to create similarities between Hosea 1 and Hosea 3. Hosea is commanded to
love the adulterous woman as the Lord would love the adulterous wife Israel (Hosea 3:3-
4). Critics who argue that the wife is other than Gomer do so on the basis of Hosea 3:1,
“go once again.” The claim is that the expression here denotes a woman who is already in
adultery. The text does not say anything specific about Gomer at this point. She is
certainly not at home, and it is unlikely she would tolerate the presence of another woman
in her home. We have no account of a divorce at this point. The woman is referred to as
an “adulterous” woman; that is, she is still married to her husband. Chisholm says that the
term refers to Gomer’ s “former husband” (Chisholm, 1998). But we do not have any
evidence that Gomer had had any former husband. Thus, contextually the text supports
the idea that Gomer is the woman Hosea is to go after. Perhaps she had left the house in
order to prostitute herself. The Lord commanded Hosea to go after her, just as the Lord
would go after Israel, who prostitutes herself by going after other gods.
But Hosea 3:2 tells us that Hosea paid a price to an unknown individual to claim
the woman for himself. The woman could have been a slave or a temple prostitute. Since
we argue that the woman is Gomer, it is possible that she could have remarried, because
the literal meaning of Hosea 3:4 is that Hosea asked her to remain pure without
prostituting herself. This expression implies that she had perhaps left and went to another
man and become that man’s possession. As a result, Hosea must pay a price to own her
now. It is also apparent that the expression denotes a legal term. Hence, Hosea earned the
legal right to be her husband. It may be that Hosea had to wait for a certain time after he
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purchased her for all legal matters to clear before he could remarry her. But while she is
in the process of waiting for Ho sea to fulfill the final mandate (whatever it might be),
Hosea also committed himself to take good care of her.
According to Hosea, God’s knowledge of Israel was complete and perfect. He
knows that Israel will rebel and will have to be chastised. Hosea proves that the ultimate
plan of God and blessing for Israel has not changed (Hosea 4:6-11). The unfaithfulness of
Israel has now been proven. She no longer recognized the authority of God, nor is she
any more committed to the Lord. The Lord says Israel has not acknowledged him. The
expression “acknowledgment of the Lord” denotes lack of recognition for the authority of
the Lord. Thus, the judgment of the Lord will be severe for Israel (Hosea 6:4). The Lord
calls the Israelites to attention by pronouncing a judgment speech against their adultery
(Hosea 6:10-14). The Lord sees the sins of Israel as being an element that will destroy the
later generation (cf. Jeremiah 22:26). The people participated in cult prostitution and thus
frustrated the Lord. Thus, God’s suit is based on the unfaithfulness of Israel as well as her
lack of devotion or loyalty to the Lord, her husband. We read a pattern of accusation that
the Lord made against Israel and its priests (Hosea 6:4-5, 8-10). The people reject God’s
revelation. In verse 2 Hosea uses the word parats, meaning “break out,” to describe how
the Israelites have failed to follow the Lord. They broke out of the relationship. In verse
10 Hosea says that will not happen again after they are restored (Macintosh, 1997, p.
129b; Garrett, 1997, p. 112). However, Macintosh and others forcefully argue that the
word denotes “lying deception perpetrated to cheat and defraud” as opposed to break out.
The sin of Israel is exposed. The deeds of the people could not be hidden from
God’s sight (Psalm 69:6). Hosea is using purely metaphorical language to depict what
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happen when a wife is unfaithful to her husband. One may contend that the verse could
also be an allusion to cultic activity (Hosea 4:13-15). Wolff says that God did not deceive
himself by the alluring means used by the leaders of Israel (1974, p. 99). In Hosea 7:13,
the people rebelled against the Lord. They gathered together for grain and new wine
festivals. The expression is very difficult to solve morphologically as well as contextually
because of the confusion of the resh and the claleth in the Hebrew word for “attack or be
afraid.” He explains that the root of this verb does not explain a lexical nuance that fits
the context of Hosea 7:14. Hence, Hosea is talking about the lack of trust that the people
placed in God for food and good harvest. Instead, they trusted Baal to ensure their crops
(see 1 Kings. 18:28; see Chisholm, 1998, p. 21-22).
In verse 15 Hosea used a military metaphor to express the nature of the Israelites’
faith. He wants to denounce their lack of perseverance. He says that the people as well as
their leader will fall into the hands of their enemies. The Hebrew word for “know” or
“knowledge” (in Hisea 6:6) is yada. It is also the word used of sexual relation between a
man and a woman (a husband and a wife; see Genesis 4:1), the most intimate experience
that is humanly possible. And Israel had failed to show love for her husband. She had
prostituted herself by going after other lovers; and so Hosea declared for God, “My people
are destroyed from lack of knowledge” (Hosea 4:6). It was a twofold rebuke! Hosea blasted
the prophets and priests because of the situation: “My people are destroyed for lack of
knowledge” (Hosea 4:6; and see 6:6). It was the task of the prophets and priests to instruct
the people in the knowledge of God and to guide them in God’s ways. The priests’ first
duty was not to sacrifice but to instruct, and they had failed at that. Like Amos and
Jeremiah, Hosea insisted that God did not ask sacrifices of Israel; what he required was
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“mercy” and “acknowledgment of God” (Hosea 6:6). And yet in these primary
responsibilities the leaders had failed, and thus in these two areas the people had failed.
It is evident that Hosea proves that holiness is the rule of all God’s actions. Because
God is holy, it becomes imperative that Israel must be holy. That is, she is to be blameless
in her relationship with the Lord. But we see that Israel’s descent into sin continues to be
described as adultery through Hosea 10. Yet, despite Israel’s covenant breaking, God
continues to love the people (Hosea 11:1-7). God decides to restore the fallen spouse (11:8-
1 1). Sin will be punished first (11:12-13:16); some in Israel will then confess their sins
(14:1-3) and that will allow them to flourish (14:4-9).
God does not order Hosea to do something God would not do. Like Hosea, God
will buy back Israel from her owners. Hosea predicts this love before Assyria conquers the
Northern Kingdom. This whole sequence of events could have been avoided if Israel had
kept the covenant. Spiritual adultery ruined Israel’s marriage to God; that is Hosea’s
(God’s) message. Hosea speaks of a change in the heart of God. He explains that the Lord
is going to judge the nation for its sin. However, the Lord is going to be reasonable in
displaying his anger. He would restrain his anger and show mercy to Ephraim. Critics
argue that the Lord cannot have any anger, but Hosea talks about that anger. Wolff sees it
as excitement as opposed to anger (Wolff, 1974). It must be understood that the anger of
God is not rage but indignation and sorrow over sin, ingratitude, and adultery in a marital
relationship.
The righteousness and justice of God are two characteristics that Hosea portrayed
to show how God is committed to his covenant relationship with Israel in his role as
husband. God relates to Israel in strength, loyalty, and uprightness. What God offers to
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Israel and what he contributes to the relationship are what he demands in return: love,
justice, righteousness, mercy, and faithfulness. Israel must be reliable in keeping her part
of the promise, that is, to respond to the need of her husband in love.
Remedy for Irreconcilable Differences: Be Reconciled
If one divorces a wife or a husband for adultery, can the innocent spouse be
remarried? Here is how the apostle Paul responds to the argument. According to 1
Corinthians 7:10-11, “to the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife
must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else
be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” It was clear that
men and women had the right to divorce, according to Deuteronomy 24. But Paul joins
his voice with Mark and Luke to tell us what Matthew meant in his teaching, regardless
of one’s interpretation of the exception clause. That is, marriage is indissoluble, divorce
is forbidden, separation is permitted, and there can be no remarriage without
reconciliation.
The path to reconciliation is forgiveness. The purpose of forgiveness is
reconciliation, which is the renewing of warmth and trust after a period of hostility and
conflict. The concept can be extended to refer to peace making between conflicting
groups. Reconciliation is sometimes the outcome of forgiveness. Forgiveness is never
without reconciliation, provided that the sinner repents. The total removal of sin as a
result of divine forgiveness is variously expressed in the Scriptures (Psalm 103:12-13;
Isaiah 38:17; Jeremiah 31:34; Micah 7:19). Ideally, the effect of forgiveness and
reconciliation is to restore to its former state the relationship that was broken by sin. Such
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a restoration requires the cooperation of both parties. There must be a granting and an
acceptance of forgiveness. The Bible makes it clear that a forgiven sinner must forgive
others. The basis for forgiveness is love. Admittedly, many people in the church struggle
with forgiveness because they desire to get even with the offender. The apostle Paul
understood this when he said, “In your anger do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26). The essence
of forgiveness is defined in Romans 12:17-19. Forgiveness is surrendering the desire to
hurt back. It is not a sign of weakness but of strength. The weak cannot forgive; only the
strong do. In a Christian worldview, forgiveness is a duty. Christ sets no limit to the
extent of forgiveness (Luke 17:4), and it must be granted without reserve and exception.
Conflict is the result of sin that exists in every person’s heart. People are sinners. When
two sinners are joined together in holy matrimony, conflict is inevitable. And that will
affect the marital relationship. Unlike every other relationship in life, marriage is a union
that requires an exceptional commitment to forgiveness and reconciliation.
For people who are married to non-Christians, Paul gives instruction in 1
Corinthians 7:12-13. “To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife
who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a
woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must
not divorce him.” It is important to notice that the message is addressed to a believer who
has an unbelieving spouse. It seems that the question applies to people who became
Christians after marriage. If a person has an unbelieving spouse who is willing to stay
with him or her, the Christian is not to divorce. Paul continues the teaching of Jesus:
marriage is sacred and until death parts the spouses. Paul clearly says that if the
nonbeliever leaves, the Christian is to let him or her leave. But Paul is clear: the believer
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ought not to force out the unbelieving spouse, for the way the Christian treats the spouse
might bring the man or woman to God. God has his purpose for everyone. Marriage must
be honored by all (Hebrew 13:4). It is the law of marriage. However, the law applies only
to those who live (Romans 7:1). When one is dead, the law has no effect on him or her.
Hence, the non-Christian may choose to dishonor the marriage vow. If so, the Christian is
no longer bound by the covenant of marriage with him or her. So we read in 1
Corinthians 7:15, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman
is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” The unbelieving
spouse broke the yoke and has no respect for covenant. Honor God in marriage: the idea
is to live an exemplary lifestyle. God has called us to live in peace. The key word here is
“bound,” which means to make a slave of something or someone. Marriage is a bond
made for life. If an unbelieving spouse leaves, a Christian is no longer under a marital
covenant with an unbeliever. There is no bondage at this point. The implication is that the
believer is free to remarry. However, the believer must do his or her best to reconcile, if
reconciliation is possible.
Should separation become inevitable, Christians are to remain celibate for the
sake of possible reconciliation (1 Corinthians 7:10). If one were to take the rebuttal of the
disciples in Matthew 19 as a question (why get married?), in 1 Corinthians 7 Paul makes
the case. Get married because it is good and commendable to do so for the sake of
companionship and progeniture (1 Timothy 5:14). Sexual drives are strong. Marriage
provides a sacred setting for sexual activity. The husband and wife must seek to satisfy
each other sexually. Marriage is the place to serve and learn to live in harmony with one
another. Marriage provides a place for family cohesion, comfort, and identity. It gives a
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true meaning to the word home. Celibacy is not for everyone, just as marriage is not for
everyone. Jesus says in Matthew 19:1-12 that some are called by God to be celibate,
others choose to be celibate, and others are made so. They are free of the complications
that are part of marriage. Marriage involves satisfying another person; celibacy does not.
Marriage leads to many demands; celibacy is free of all those demands. Time and energy
that married people spend in becoming a whole is time that celibate persons can spend
with God and becoming a whole with him. Married people develop a want for each
other’s presence; the celibate does so for God. If a man or a woman wants to be single
forever, he or she does not sin in doing so. Marriage is spiritually and morally right and
not inferior to singleness in any way. But Paul encourages those who want to be single to
remain so. These are the scriptural injunctions including Haitians Christians in the
Diaspora.
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CHAPTER 4
REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE
The Political Struggle for Survival and Its Effect on the Family Unit
The literature that informs this research comes from writings on ethnicity,
sociological perspective, and cultural norms. The term ethnocultural (Berry, 1994) is a
combination word that comes from the two terms ethnicity and culture. It refers to
numerous features of a society (e.g., its uniqueness, substance, and vitality). It refers to
the cross-cultural understanding that combines ethnicity with culture and the relationships
that exist among Haitians as a result of their different racial backgrounds, different
localities, and ongoing changes in different life settings. Ethnicity describes a person who
comes from a particular original cultural group because he or she is either an offspring
(e.g., African) and/or derived from a particular group (e.g., African-American). Haitians
are a minority group with multiracial origins. As a minority group, Haitians are
sometimes identified with African Americas (Pierre-Louis, 2001). In a sense, Haitians
have always been and perhaps will always be a minority, a group that is politically less
powerful. The term culture usually includes notions of ecology and ecosystem: how
people in communities interact with one another. Haitians are a distinct group of people
whose development and behavior can be interpreted only in terms of cultural psychology.
The concept of cultural psychology implies the understanding and discovering of the
relationship that exists between culture and behavior (Berry, 1994). This embodies not
only the socioeconomic and political organizations of Haitians but also their worldview:
fundamental beliefs (cognitive), feelings (affective), and shared values (evaluative) in the
context of Haitians’ ethnocultural identity (Berry, 1994).
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Understanding Haitians as an Ethnocultural Group
Conventional understandings of the long-lasting effect of slavery on the Haitian
family prompt a need to discuss a biblical understanding that will give lasting value to
marriage and family in the Haitian community. One cannot finds current studies that
explore the direct effect of slavery and its effect on marriage and family in the Haitian
milieu, but some identifiable stressors give a partial understanding of the tensions within
marriages and families. We note how acculturation and its impact on Haitian immigrants
in America affect Haitian to seek professional help when they are in distress (Carter and
McGoldrick, 2005; Lindor, 2001). We see how Haitians encounter adjustment difficulties
because they do not want to be subservient to others.
Historian J. C. Dorsainvil (1942), whose work is read in almost every elementary
school in Haiti, writes about Haiti’s historical path from its genesis to the present. The
extent to which Haiti’s civilization was affected by slavery is explored by M. J.
Herskovits (1937), who observed Haitian life in the village of Mirebalais. There, he
found that the African way of life had been preserved. He contends that the way the
inhabitants carried out their daily affairs, according to a clan system, resembled the way
of life found in Dahomeah, Africa (Herskovits, 1937).
The most horrific effect of slavery on marriage is reported by Leyburn, who
explains how slave masters took advantage of female slaves (Leyburn, 1941). Even
though there was no interracial marriage in the colonial era, interracial relationships were
common. Biracial children were born out of wedlock, says T. Madiou (Gullickson, 2004;
Leyburn, 1941). The attitudes toward forming relationships have been the hallmark of the
nation from generation to generation. Marriage was not forbidden, nor was it encouraged
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in the colony. According to Madiou, legislation was passed to forbid illicit sexual
relationships, but the effort amounted to nothing (Leyburn, 1941). The law did not
encourage extramarital affairs, but it could not legislate marriage. The point that needs to
be emphasized here is the stress that this historical situation, and its aftermath, had on
relationships in the community.
Haitians react to stressors, which are related to the cultural pattern with regard to
male and female relationships (Martelly, 2003). When it comes to issues such as family
values, the definition of the term may vary among Haitians. Families may have different
understandings of the process of raising a child and conducting family affairs. But many
Haitians would agree that knowledge must translate into action. Growth is measured by
maturation, experience, social transmission, and the process of equilibration (Kaplan,
1998). The fine points of distinctions can be understood only in the context of environment:
social class and social influences. The individual is a member of a family structure. These
are premarital factors that can be served as predictors of the quality of relationship that a
later generation would experience. The quality of parent-child relationship will dictate the
outcome of relationship between members of the community. When gender roles are
changed, the perception of children in the family has also changed, for better or for worse
(Kaplan, 1998).
Augsburger explains the importance of distinguishing and learning from the three
aspects in all of us: the universal, which we share with all humans; the culturally
programmed, which we learn from our own culture of origin; and our individual
uniqueness, which distinguishes each of us from all other people (Augsburger, 1986). He
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explains that from a cross-cultural viewpoint, moral development might be ethical
(Augsburger, 1986). The nature of decision making might be communal or individual.
There are two things that contribute to a successful marriage for Haitians. They go
beyond the mutual consent of the husband and wife. First, the couple must be able to
cope with each other’s family of origin. Second, the couple must be also able to separate
from their family of origin and establish a new relationship that is free from the influence
and emotional dependence of the family of origin (Balswick & Balswick, 1991; Carter &
McGoldrick, 2005).
Family Life
The effect of slavery on the Haitian family is not purely negative. Haitians can
credit slavery for interracial, interfaith, and intercultural marriages (Fu, 2003).
Relationships between Haitian men and women are influenced by many factors
(Hildebrandt, 2003; Chung, 1999). Ho (1990) argues that a married couple may
experience different stages of marital development. Race and ethnicity continue to
interact, with the family being germinated at every stage of intermarriage (Ostine, 2001).
Thus, Haitians inherit a new cultural identity (Delva, 2005). Most of the literature that
addresses the issue of identity concludes that identity is a matter of self-concept and that
it is both personal and social (Sethlhare-Oagile, 2005).
Haitians and Relationships
Even though Haitians have been free from slavery for more than two centuries,
historical trends continue to surface in the Haitian psyche and in Haitians’ behavior. One
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of the effects of slavery on Haitian families is depression caused by detachment. We note
that Haitian couples who grew up in a family that experienced frequent detachments
experience poorer marital functioning. They tend to have greater difficulty to separate
themselves from their family of origin. They have difficulties to form a healthy marital
dyad with its own identity (Keny, 2007). On the other hand, those who are disengaged
with the family of origin fail to learn how to connect with the closest members of their
immediate family.
The failure to appreciate or allow for the differentness in the other person comes
from never really having become emotionally independent of one’s parents. This
leaves a person in the position of trying to build self-esteem in the marriage.
Neither partner dares to communicate his or her fears to the other. Thus the
couple can become bound in a web of evasiveness and ambiguity, because neither
can dare to be straight with the other, for fear of things turning out unhappily, as
they did in their families (Carter & McGoldrick, 2005, p. 213).
For many decades, many researchers have placed great importance on the quality
of marriage (Fincham, 2000). But most of this research is about interracial marriage
(Ostine, 2001). From generation to generation, Haitians have always struggled to find
where they fit in a new culture. In the Haitian community, we see that people who
cohabitate before marriage tend to be less dedicated to one another than those who
cohabitated after marriage. These husbands were less dedicated to their wives than their
wives were to them. A study on pre-engagement cohabitation and gender asymmetry in
marital commitment concludes that
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Dedication (interpersonal commitment) levels on the basis of premarital
cohabitation history finds that men who cohabited with their spouse before
engagement were less dedicated than men who cohabited only after engagement
or not at all before marriage” (Roger & Amato, 1997, pp. 1089-1100).
Belizaire investigates the relationship between adult attachment, coping,
acculturative stress, and quality of life among Haitian immigrants and concludes that
avoidance attachment was positively correlated with acculturative stress and negatively
correlated with social relationships and environment (Belizaire, 2007). Lindor claims that
adaptive coping was positively correlated with social relationships. The results of her
study suggest that the stress reactions rooted in the experience of acculturation are
partially explained by attachment relationships and coping strategies (Lindor, 2003). She
claims that there is a relationship between attachment and coping.
Haitian parents and their children face many obstacles (Lilly, 2005). Various
studies explore the effect of estranged relationships on children.
“Using the 1987 and 1988 National survey of Families and Households (NSFH),
Webster, Orbuch, and House found that children of divorce and those who never
lived with their father were significantly more likely than those from two parent
families to have doubts about the stability of their marriage” (Keny, 2007, p. 21).
Keny contends that marital satisfaction among Haitians is tied to faith and prayer
(Keny, 2007). As was the case in the colonial and postcolonial eras, the absence of
fathers in Haitian homes continues to contribute to the decline of family in the
community. The attitudes of slave masters with regard to relationships gave rise to
specific perceptions of parent-child relationships and inform the predictors of marriage
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and family for later generations. Many of these matters have to do with what E. Erikson
called trust and mistrust in relationship (Miller, 2002). Erikson explains that in the first
year of growth, a child need to develop a sense of trust, which requires a feeling of
physical comfort and a minimal amount of fear and apprehension about the future. He
contends that trust in infancy sets the stage for a lifelong expectation that the world will
be a good and pleasant place. According to Erikson, people are motivated to be
connected. For Haitians, connectedness is not only a natural phenomenon but also an
ethnocultural phenomenon (Lemy, 2002). Fine and Hovestadt concluded that “pathology
may be transmitted from the family of origin, along with factors related to health such as
higher levels of rationality and more positive perception of marriage” (Lemy, 2002, p.
21).
Since the colonial era, Haitians have struggled to maintain healthy marriages.
They have succeeded in maintaining healthy families in dysfunctional marriages. A
normal family is healthy and functional (Walsh, 2003). For many Haitians, a healthy
family is ideal. It is conceptualized in terms of basic norms of communication, care, and
interaction; the extended family is often the one entity that provides the psychosocial
perspective by which the individual members of the family influence each other in the
most profound ways. But the symptoms of unhealthy marriages in the community are
often observed in areas of attachment between couples (Belizaire, 2007).
The author of this thesis finds little conclusive study done that takes seriously the
level of attachment and detachment between Haitian couples as a result of slavery.
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Haitians’ Theology of Marriage
There is a significant literature that addresses the issues of marriage and its nature
as a covenant relationship. For the sake of this thesis, one can find limited research that
focuses on Haitians’ theology of marriage. This is one of the reasons that the author of
this present study aims to present a practical application of his theology of marriage as it
is commonly believed by most Haitian theologians. The author of this thesis contends
that there are theologians among the Haitian community who hold different views from
the one presented in this paper. Often, these theologians consider themselves as holding a
liberal point of view in the issue of marriage. Their critics would agree.
Balswick and Balswick (1991) write from a Christian perspective on the
contemporary home. They argue that marriage implies covenant. Husband and wife enter
into a covenantal relationship via marriage. God created male and female for the sake of
companionship. The family is a created unit where people love each other
unconditionally. It is a place where one can count on the other at all times. This
relationship between husband and wife reflects the dependent relationship of the church
to God. Commitment to love is at the center of that relationship, and the relationship
fosters by love and grace the ability to forgive and to be forgiven. It empowers one to
serve and to be served in the most profound way. It is this sort of family that encourages
such a bond in marriage that divorce is often unconceivable. The authors assert that
divorce is often triggered by abandonment. The Balswicks conclude that divorce is a
spiritual problem. This is a belief that most Haitian Protestants accept to be true. And to
avoid divorce, Christian couples need to acknowledge the activities of their life that are
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contrary to God’s Word. Meanwhile, they must take concrete steps to correct those
activities.
Shields (1999) argues that 25 percent of adults today have been divorced at least
once. The rate is highest among blacks. It is the author’s opinion that this decline of
family values is directly linked to the New Age movement, a postmodern worldview that
affects the church. People reject the fact that marriage is a covenantal relationship that is
therefore indissoluble. Those who argue for their right to divorce and remarriage claim
Deuteronomy 24:1 as their rationale. Therein lies the reason that Paul forbids mixed
marriages (1 Corinthians 7:15-17). The early Christians fought to preserve the sanctity of
marriage by teaching and celebrating the marriage ceremony.
Methodology for Appraisal
Throughout the years, psychology has seen many different theories based on
research (Yount, 1996). For example, the Russian physiologist I. Pavlov developed
classical conditioning theory which can explain a child’s emotional response to school.
Historically, two major areas of psychology have been at the center stage in professional
counseling: psychoanalysis and behaviorism. Psychoanalytic theory was developed in the
late nineteenth century by S. Freud. Freud asserts that people are strongly influenced by
conscious and unconscious forces. (Corsini & Wedding, 2000). Behaviorism was a theory
developed by B. F. Skinner, an American psychologist. He championed what are called
the principles of operant conditioning, a type of learning that involves reinforcement and
punishment (Corsini & Wedding, 2000).
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For years, psychologists practiced and emphasized these theories as principles of
counseling. These views went on almost unopposed. (Corsini & Wedding, 2000).
However, in the 1950s, psychologists were introduced to a new approach to professional
counseling: humanistic psychology, which focused on the capacity of an individual for
self-reflection and growth. As an alternative to psychoanalysis and behaviorism,
humanistic psychology became known as the third force of psychotherapy.
Humanistic psychology is the theory that contends that the learner is more than a
mechanical object (Corsini & Wedding, 2000). The theory calls for the counseling
session to be personalized and is more concerned with the individual learner than the
curriculum itself. The focus is on the cognitive, affective, and behavioral development of
the student. The emphasis is on personal freedom and growth, choice, and self-
determination in the educational process.
The persuasive view of humanistic psychology was presented by its founder, Carl
Rogers (Corsini & Wedding, 2000). The theory promotes self-directed growth, which is
based on relationship between the client and the counselor. In this type of therapist-client
relationship, the therapist accepts the client with openness, honesty, and confidence that
the client is capable of enhancing his condition. Rogers asserts that once clients sense
acceptance on the part of the therapist, they are more apt to reveal themselves and their
weaknesses. In so doing, the genuineness and emphatic environment created by the
therapist moves the client toward making progress in resolving a wide variety of personal
problems (Corsini & Wedding, 2000).
The approach is said to be centered on the individual person. The term person-
centered refers to the idea that counseling should revolve around the client, as opposed to
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directive therapy, which is directed by the counselor (Yount, 1996, p. 235). The
counseling process is centered on the counselee as opposed to the counselor (Yount,
1996, p. 235).
In Rogers’s view, the counselor should trust clients to do their work to the best of
their ability and provide opportunities for growth. The counselor should respect the
client’s feelings and frustration. The essential of this therapeutic model is that the
counselor leads the client without taking responsibility from him or her (Yount, 1996).
Rogers argued that a positive relationship enables people to grow, and therefore the
instruction should be based on concepts of human relations, in contrast to concepts of
subject matter (Corsini & Wedding, 2000).
In an effort to define accurately what constitutes effective counseling, Egan says
that “counseling is the professional field [that] aims to help human beings make sense of
their problem in their own eyes” (Egan, 1998, p. 25). The key word is helping. Egan
argues that to help someone is to bring about a desired outcome. It is the act of making a
difference in the life of an individual. The goal of helping a client is to bring the client to
a level of awareness to increase the individual’s potentiality to act positively in his or her
current situation. Egan explains helping in terms of three different stages with several
steps. The first step is to understand the client’s present state of affairs. Understanding
starts with the counselor’s ability to identify and clarify the problem that the client is
facing and explore all situations and unused opportunities. In this effort, the counselor
will try to help the client to tell his or her story (Egan, 1998). Then the counselor breaks
through blind spots that prevent the client from seeing his situation realistically. At this
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point, the counselor moves to help the client to make substantial differences in his or her
life. The counselor needs to make sure that the helping process supports the client.
The counselor helps the client to spell out elements of a better future. This
step will help him to move beyond the problem-misery mind-set he brings
with him and develop a bit of hope. Brainstorming possibilities for a better
future often helps the client to understand his problem situations better.
Now that he is beginning to know what he wants, he can easily identify
the most important issues in his life. (Egan, 1998, p. 130)
Within an integrated Christian framework, if the problem is sin, then the
counselor needs to help the client to pursue substantial priorities or goals such as biblical
recommendations for restoration. Restoration means reconciliation of a good relationship
between enemies. In order to achieve this good relationship, it is necessary that the
factors that produce the enmity be removed.
When the client and the clinician share the same racial and ethnic background,
assumptions are frequently made about the therapeutic relationship. A common
assumption is that this relationship yields increased understanding and empathy.
Non-Haitian therapists (including Black therapists not of Haitian ancestry) may
question their ability to engage and treat Haitians. Haitian therapists might have
the advantage of developing a rapid rapport with Haitian clients because they can
rely on common experiences, cultural understanding, and so on. It is important for
non-Haitian therapists to develop confidence in working with Haitians,
particularly in the beginning stages of therapy” (Brice, 1982, pp. 123-133).
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In the context of helping, the family itself can be the focus of treatment. Helping
is about the person, not the method (Cormier & Hackney, 1999; Eisenberg, 1979;
Stanley, 1999; Wright, 2003). Thus, counseling must be first and foremost person-
centered. After assessing the problem in the family, the pastor-counselor will then create
a framework for understanding the problem. This framework must be Christian-oriented
but leaves room for different approaches to helping people.
The ethno sociocultural model is a guide to encourage the therapist to be cross-
cultural in his or her thinking as he or she counsels people, Haitians in particular. The
model offers reassurance and support to Haitian clients in distress. It encourages adaptive
functioning and evidence of mutual understanding in the counseling relationship. It offers
insights to both the counselor and the client. The model emphasizes the recognition of
respect of the young for the old. It recognizes the importance of the extended family. It
recognizes the effect of slavery and colonization over marriage and family in the Haitian
community. It also recognizes the acculturative stress that most Haitians have to cope
with in their struggle for survival.
Much has been written in the subject of helping from a Christian perspective,
(e.g., Jones & Butman, 2005), but the author of this thesis finds nothing geared directly
toward helping Haitian believers who are in distress. “Christians interested in the study of
human experience, including carious dysfunctions and psychopathologies, need to be
informed by these insights and pastoral reflections on the experience of trouble persons
and the church’s concerns for everyday and ultimate needs” (Yarhouse, Butman &
McRay, 2005, pp. 15-16). With those facts in view, this thesis is written as a contribution
to the field of marriage and family counseling.
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CHAPTER 5
TO WHOM AM I MARRIED: A CASE STUDY
Often in the Haitian community, marital conflict is not a result of a partner’s
wrongdoing to the other, but a conflict of the partner’s identity in the marriage. It may be
that after enduring the tragedy of a tedious relationship with much abuse and other type
of suffering that a spouse finds himself or herself searching for the one he or she has
fallen in love with. Some spouses feel lonely, bored, empty, angry, afraid, resentful, or
bitter in a marriage relationship that was meant to last forever. The title of this chapter,
“to whom am I married,” is the cry of a couple who is searching for his or her spouse. For
they both claimed that at one point in their relationship, they have lost each other. As
husband and wife during the time of conflicts the words spoken and the silent treatment,
the accusations that are lobbed push them to ask where my husband is, where is my wife?
What happened to my marriage? To whom am I married?
The Haitian survival instinct always comes to the fore whenever he or she is
facing a difficult situation. Moreover, coupled with their mistrust of professionals in the
field of helping, sometimes, Haitians are reluctant to seek help in time of crisis. Even if
they do seek help, often it is when the matter is out of hand and a solution is nearly
impossible to find. Even then, they still approach therapy with a different mindset, which
tends to minimize the issue they are facing. They intellectualize it, rationalize it. The
most religious ones would categorize it as a matter of God’s will. This attitude transcends
socioeconomic and educational boundaries. Haitians strongly value their ability to solve
their own problems. When problems cannot be solved, that is when they may seek
spiritual guidance from their pastor or their priest. At times, they may go to another
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family member of higher social status for advice. Haitians may use federal, state, and
local services, but only as a last resort. Thus, a therapeutic approach to help Haitians must
take into consideration the need to facilitate engagement in the process; to the point that
sometimes the helper may find that he or she needs to accompany a client to a referral.
Haitians of whatever generation have inherited a sense of pride and cultural biases. They
resent feelings of inferiority.
The following case study of a Haitian married couple will highlight how a typical
Haitian family might react in times of conflict. Secondly, the author of this thesis will
also highlight his assessment of the family history and his clinical intervention, which
might serve as a systemic model to help therapists to assist Haitian families and
individuals. Names have been changed to protect confidentiality. Corey the husband and
Lyn the wife came to therapy in partial fulfillment of their church requirement to be
committed to find a solution to their marital concerns.
Meet the Couple
Corey- Corey is a Mulatto. He does not know his father. His mother is Haitian,
but his father is the son of a Syrian couple who went to Haiti as merchants. Corey was
raised in a home with his mother, who was very controlling and abusive to him.
Nonetheless, Corey has always looked to his mother for advice and decision making. His
mother believes that significance depends on always being able to live up to a certain
image. From his youth, Corey learned to flee to safety when his needs were threatened.
His upbringing has made him a naive person, very secretive and task-oriented. On
entering adulthood, he longed to control that child within himself. He grew up knowing
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that he could gain acceptance and love, a sense of significance, if he was attractive and
had money to buy his way out. In other word, for Corey, money is everything. Corey
believes that if he does not have material possessions, he cannot be loved, and therefore,
he is a worthless human being.
Lyn- Lyn is Caucasian. Her parents are both Haitian of European descent. She is
from a family of nine. She is the youngest of four sisters and older than her three
brothers. They all used to live in Haiti, except the oldest sister, who lived in the
southeastern United States. In the Haitian economy, they have enough to get by daily, but
no one would consider them to be a middle-class family financially. However, they think
very highly of themselves. Lyn’s oldest sister is the breadwinner of the family in Haiti.
Their father is a retired former military man who served in the Haitian army. The mother
is a businesswoman who currently owns a boutique in Massachusetts. In Lyn’s family
context, marriage can be for better or for worse only when it comes to wealth. Money is
the family’s blueprint for constructing a relationship and building loyalty. In their
context, the husband must meet those expectations. There is not much animosity toward
Lyn’s father, who is retired, because he used to provide those things. In that regard, he
has some respect in the household as a former breadwinner. And it is because of his
diligence that his oldest daughter now lives in the United States. Nonetheless, it is
obvious that Lyn’s mother is the most influential personality in her family. The father is
somewhat more passive. All the siblings seem to follow one or the other character type of
the parents. The quality of relationships in the family is somewhat lacking, and
communication is often portrayed as one-sided. That pattern has had a significant
influence on the children.
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The Couple and Their Chief Complaint
The husband, Corey is forty years old. Corey is an auto mechanic who works at a
General Motors car dealership. He is charming, sociable, and a confessed Christian. He is
a faithful member of a local congregation. His wife, Lynda, whom shall be referred to as
Lyn, is an energetic young woman of Eastern European descendant. They are both
Haitians living in the U.S. Lyn is four years younger than Corey. She earned an associate
degree in liberal arts and humanities from a local community school. She had never been
in a serious relationship before. They live in a suburban area in Massachusetts. They were
married for a year when they had their first child, Corey Junior. He is a real joy to the
family. In this relationship, Corey presents the image of a mature adult who knows what
he may be looking for. But it is not always so with Lyn.
For this family, one of the key ingredients to a fulfilled life and happiness is
money. Hence, all their behavior is motivated toward one goal, getting rich. At times,
Lyn is frustrated and unhappy. Corey is frustrated with Lyn. He thinks that Lyn is too
greedy and too obsessed with fame. Corey met Lyn at the youth group where they
attended church since a young age. Lyn was a wonder to almost every young man in the
church. She knew she was pretty and intelligent; she made sure that every young man in
the church took notice of her. In that “beauty contest,” Corey took notice of Lyn. Lyn
was innocent and beautiful, said Corey. He developed an interest in Lyn because of her
enthusiasm, warmth, and interest for success in life. Lyn saw Corey as a way to meet her
goal of becoming wealthy. And she wanted sex only when she thought she could gain
something. Lyn had dated many other young men prior to meeting Corey. But of all the
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men she met, Corey was the most consistent, caring, and available. Corey had also met a
young girl before he met Lyn, but that relationship did not end well. Corey seemed to
love the Lord, said Lyn, and she liked the attention she received from him. Corey showed
a tremendous interest in protecting Lyn, attention that Lyn seemed to bask in at first.
After several years of marriage, Lyn feels that she is too heavily controlled by her
husband and wants him to release some of his control over her. She wants to be more
independent and free to make decisions of her own. From the time she felt the need to be
freed from her husband’s dominance, she did not know how to vocalize her concerns. At
times, she felt frustrated. Thus, as a way to retaliate, she refused to cook for him and do
the housework, as had been her custom. She felt the need to break off the relationship.
But every time she tried that, she felt lonely and consumed by a desire to be in her
husband’s arms. Hence, they go back and forth with a series of good times and bad times.
After a period of moving in and out of the house and the relationship, Corey found a
letter from his wife stating that she felt lonely in the marriage and cold toward him, and
that she does not feel she is needed in his life. She mentioned that even sexually, they do
not find agreement. Lyn told Corey that she felt she is a magnet in his hand and that she
does not own her own feelings. She stated that she loves him, but she does not want this
manipulative relationship any more. She said that she felt trapped in a relationship that
she senses is going the wrong way. This news came through in a memo Lyn sent to the
counselor: “It’s over.” As for Corey, he acknowledges that the relationship is not doing
well. But he is not willing to quit the relationship.
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History of Their Chief Complaint
In this marriage, there is an abusive pattern of seduction. Corey makes his wife do
sexual things against her will, attacks the sexual parts of her body, pursues her for sex,
and then turns her off by criticizing her sexual performance. Both spouses are
emotionally abusive. They will put one another down, call one another names, play mind
games, and stonewall. Corey attempts to control and isolate Lyn: what she does, whom
she sees and talks to, where she goes. He denies her access to a car. He deliberately
removes her from her support system. Both spouses threaten to hurt one another
emotionally, or do so. They threaten to divorce or have an emotional affair. The level of
abuse is very serious but has not been escaladed to the level of physical violence. The
couple finds it normal to blame each other’s parents for their internal conflicts. Corey
claims that his wife’s parents prevent him from having full control over his household
and the activities of his wife. As a result, over the years he developed some restrictions to
prevent Lyn from visiting with her parents or to prevent them from visiting at her home.
Corey was born from a difficult relationship. His childhood and adolescent life
was a very unhappy time. Corey does not enjoy a good relationship with his family. He
does not like any of his siblings and rarely speaks to them. They do not like him either.
Corey has no friends except his television set with its remote control, and his so-called
friends are a few women whom he used psychologically to intimidate his wife and to
trigger her to jealousy.
By contrast, Lyn’s entire family is very close, and she is close to her parents. Lyn
is the idol of her family. Every one spoiled her because of her tenderness and the special
attention she gives to them. Lyn has enjoyed the leadership of her father and his
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protection of her. In this instance, Lyn always craved that from her husband. At the same
time she seems to use her husband’s hard-line approach as a way to distance herself from
her family without feeling guilty about doing so. This approach only succeeds in
escalating the tension between her family members and her husband, who then blames
her for the estranged relationship between him and her family. Now that Lyn has realized
her mistakes, she has taken steps to renew her relationship with her parents. Under the
guise of family duty, she began to renounce her responsibilities in her own home.
Developmental Issues
It was not Lyn’s desire to marry Corey. She had a boyfriend at the time, but her
parents disapproved of him. Lyn married Corey under pressure from her family; her
parents wanted her to act as if she loved Corey in order that she might obtain legal entry
to the United States. Lyn married him for personal gain. Her former pastor in Haiti knew
about that and opposed the union from the beginning but later relented and performed the
wedding ceremony. The relationship began to deteriorate after Lyn was found to be
pregnant with Corey’s child. At this time, Lyn’s parents were very angry with her
because their plan had been for her to come to the United States and stay with Corey for
at least a year, until her immigration papers were approved. They wanted to use her green
card to fraudulently get her other siblings into the United States. Then she would leave
Corey. Her oldest sister warned her “not to fall in love with this man and to have
protective sex.” If Lyn took the relationship seriously, that would undermine if not
eliminate the possibility for her siblings to immigrate. The family made severe threats to
her life.
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Lyn said that she felt in her heart that marrying Corey was wrong. She claims that
she worked to improve the relationship, in spite of her parents’ ill advice, and that she
truly fell in love with Corey. “My heart desires him so much. But, she says, “the more I
tried, the more he is giving me reasons not love him. He is abusive, negligent toward the
child and me. He is constantly putting me down. He said that I would never be anything
in life. I am useless and desperately helpless. I am aiming to nothingness. I still remember
these things, and they make me sad. I am frustrated. I doubt that this relationship is going
to work. I don’t want to leave him. I want our marriage to work, but I am tired of the
threats and the abuses.”
According to Corey, he was introduced to his wife by a friend who happens to be
Lyn’s uncle. He said that his friend (Lyn’s uncle) told him about Lyn and that he decided
to travel to Haiti to meet with her. He traveled five times to Haiti, including the time of
the wedding. The first time, they met, and he told Lyn that he loved her and wanted to
marry her. She agreed. They got married, and the two of them moved to the United States
just weeks after the wedding. Corey said that he has made a lot of mistakes, which he
believes to be contributing factors to his current difficulties in the relationship.
Corey does not know that his union with his wife was duplicitous and that his
wife’s parents did not want the relationship to last for long. Corey experiences a lot of
insecurity in the relationship. He is not sure whether the relationship will continue. Lyn
argues that her husband is negligent, careless, and abusive. He has not been involved in
his child’s life, according to Lyn. But Corey denies all that, claiming that he has been
involved and has taken good care of his child. Lyn says that her husband is irresponsible.
“He does not keep his promises. At times, I doubt that he is telling me the truth. He is
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very negligent toward me. I feel like I am lonely and that I am living in misery. As a
result of my feeling, I explained all that to my parents because that is the way I grew up.
Concerning the budget, we can plan and reconsider. But I am kept in the dark. I don’t
know what is going on. I came to this country a year ago. We have planned that I would
go to work. But I suddenly got pregnant. Corey refuses to fill out my immigration
papers.”
Corey complains that Lyn is a demanding person. “She demands from me what I
don’t have financially. Before our marriage, I explained to her how life is in the U.S. I
owed a lot of money to people, about nine thousand dollars. I managed to erase the debt.
Lyn does not manage her choice of words. She makes decisions without my consent. She
told her family about our personal affairs. Financially, I am struggling, but she does not
understand it. I really don’t understand her. She could be one person this time and be
another the next time. She frustrates me very much.”
Corey wiretapped his phone to record his wife’s conversations. Lyn was unaware
of that fact but suspected there was something going on with the phone because of the
way it sounded. She decided to find out what was wrong with the phone, and she
discovered the recording device. She was outraged. Corey says that he acted in such
manner because his wife takes bad advice from other people instead of listening to him.
Lyn claims that she spoke to no one but her older sister, who lives in another state. That
older sister is a non-Christian. Both spouses contend that they act the way they do in an
attempt to avoid greater problems within the family.
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Theoretical Formulation
Corey grew up with an element of over submission; he will do anything that is asked
of him, whereas Lyn’s impulsiveness demonstrates a lack of consideration for the rights
of her husband. As a result, after only one year in the relationship, Corey once again
experiences boredom, a lack of persistence, and difficulty in initiating an effort to win the
heart of his wife. Corey is now forty-three years old. He has spoken indirectly about his
anxiety about health. He uses that argument as an excuse for inactivity and passive
withdrawal. Lyn is animated by a fierce desire to take revenge on her husband for every
wrongdoing. In her effort to make him pay for his wrongdoing, she finds it difficult to
feel close to him.
In the relationship, there is a feeling of nonacceptance on the part of both individuals.
They understand and admit that there is a need to be truly present for the other person if
the relationship is to improve. They speak openly of the necessity to attend to the other
person and become a better listener. Lyn reports that she senses in herself a readiness to
suspend judgment against her husband until she knows fully what is going on. Corey
contends that he is becoming more patient when his wife discloses her thoughts and
feelings. They both have made a commitment to work toward a mutually beneficial
dialogue. The impediment to Lyn’s view of marriage is that in her family and
surroundings, the idea that in marriage the partners become one flesh was merely a myth.
She did not understand that marriage is for a lifetime. Corey was under the impression
that growth is not a step-by-step basis but a sudden, experiential change in a person. The
couple did not realize that they both needed to submit themselves under the lordship of
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Jesus Christ if their marriage is to reflect the biblical pattern for marriage. They failed to
realize that the strength for working toward this goal is possible only by the indwelling
presence to the Holy Spirit.
Clinical Guidelines
The problems of this couple can be evaluated in three different dimensions:
1. The couple’s relationship and interactions, communication, decision making,
money management, and the use of power and intimacy. This includes the
extended family relationship cycle.
2. The couple’s current and past patterns of dealing and relating to each other’s
emotional issues. There is a lot of third-party involvement in the relationship. This
involves also values, beliefs about spirituality, and social activities.
3. The applicable rules, norms, and options available to them as a couple in order to
regain their love. Sex is infrequent in the relationship.
Summary of Problem Formulation
The clinical intervention begins with the assessment of the family’s current state
of affairs. Every intervention must begin with a clear perspective of biblical foundations
for marriage. Haitians, no matter what their religious background, enter marriage with
religious baggage. Christian counseling is not Christian counseling if it does not take
biblical interpretation of marriage seriously. What will make our intervention effective in
Corey and Lyn’s case is contingent upon knowing the cultural values and norms as well
as family background of the individuals in question. One cannot understand why Haitians
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do what they do and the ways in which they do things without comprehending the sets of
relationship that define their environment and provide a range of possibilities for them.
Haitians may also display characteristics that reflect the culture in which they are
interacting. Thus, we propose the following systemic method that is useful for a therapist
to consider in dealing with Haitian clients. In this therapeutic relationship, the therapist
approached the couple as a distinct Haitian couple. The therapist kept in mind the fact
that the couple is multiracial. Besides the therapist also took into consideration other
factors that shape the Haitian psyche, such as, the couple’s religious beliefs that
contribute to the preservation of their value system.
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CHAPTER 6
A SYSTEMIC COUNSELING METHOD
Setting the Systemic Method
The method that we suggest to counsel Haitians is called an ethno sociocultural
model. The model is developed by the author of this thesis as a theoretical model to work
with a Haitian family. The model is believed to be effective for both Christians and non-
Christians. The model takes different factors into considerations. For example, the living
cultural environment, the academic language, institutional barriers, stereotypes,
ethnoracial, gender discrimination, and oppression, that are influencing the formation of
Haitians personal and collective identity as an ethnocultural group. The model takes
ethnicity, sociological perspective and cultural norms into consideration and incorporates
them into the counseling process. This model takes into consideration Haitians’
multiracial history. In this method, the therapist will assess the level of awareness of the
individual client concerning the nature of his or her problems and responsibilities. In this
model, the therapist also will explore the issues of race, sexual orientation, religion, age,
gender, family values and/or status, and the ethnic background of the client. As the
therapist works with the client, he or she needs to bear in mind that he or she may be
dealing with multiple issues from a client’s family of origin. These issues may be the
basis for the problem at hand.
The ethno sociocultural model also takes into consideration the hierarchical rules
and norms that often shape the Haitian mindset. In this model, therapy takes place in the
context of family sessions. The basic idea is to learn about the family concerns and issues
in an individual’s life and the norms that govern decision making. All family problems
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are examined in the social context as well as the context of the family of origin. To begin
any effective counseling with Haitian couples or individuals, the clinician must begin to
identify and track patterns, resources, and problems that have occurred over the
individual’s or the couple’s life. The clinicians may need to do a genogram to help him or
her explore the cultural heritage and the social issues that may have shaped the life of the
clients. A family chronology may also be useful. The therapist has to revisit the historical
background of the clients from the ethnosociocultural model.
The ethnosociocultural model calls for interaction with the family life cycle at
every stage. This model also takes into consideration the religious background of the
individual. Religion is one element that motivates Haitians to act in a certain ways, or it
can be one of the major forces behind their cultural values. Beyond discussing the
presenting problem, it is important to understand the community, the social connections,
and the immediate family household in working with Haitians. The therapist must
approach the Haitian client from the ethnoracial perspective if he or she is to be effective
in his or her intervention. The ethnosociocultural model also informs the therapist of the
Haitian client’s behavior. Many Haitian parents and couples function according to a
schedule. It might be that a couple’s main daily goal is to run errands. In this case, the
therapist will need to discover the informed processing concepts, that is, the thinking
process that drives the couple. Then the therapist might understand some of the complex
behavior that perhaps causes many issues that the couple, the family, or the individual
faces. The model requires that the therapist looks for speech and perception from the
family discipline that may drive the couple’s pattern of decision making. The goal is to
get the client to realize the consequence of any particular behavior that he or she may
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choose. The therapist must be prepared to discuss explicit issues and behaviors behind the
problems that family members face.
The ethno sociocultural approach that is proposed here as a therapeutic model can
also be a treatment method based in family therapy theory. Again, this approach offers
the therapist a way to comprehend family problems from a unique perspective among a
unique group of people. This approach provides a form of intervention that will help the
therapist to identify problems and provide effective help to the client. In this model, the
family itself can be the source of treatment. Helping is about the person, not the method.
Thus, counseling must be first and foremost a structure that emphasizes the importance or
organizational process for family functioning and the well-being of the family members.
One of the most important things that a family therapist needs to take into consideration
while working with a Haitian client is interpersonal relationships. Haitians are relational.
They will understand the corrective emotional experience only in the context of
relationship. This is important especially because many times, Haitians come to
counseling for issues that they deem too personal to deal with in the presence of a third
party. In this case, their chief concern is the fact they perceive their situation to be
demeaning. Having a level of interpersonal relationship will facilitate the therapist’s
desire to suggest some corrective measure that the clients might perceive to be a hostile
or disparaging appraisal of them or of other people in the family.
In our initial conversation, the therapist helps the clients to tell their story. In that
first session, the need for acceptance surfaces during the clients-therapist interaction. To
Haitians, potency is a causal explanation for validity, especially for male clients, who
need to be reaffirmed and to have control yielded to them. In the role of facilitator, the
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therapist provides explanations that give prestige and power to both clients in their
respective roles- by yielding leadership to them, decision making can lead to a good
positive outcome. A good outcome is considered to be one that preserves the unity of the
family. An individual from any ethnocultural group needs understanding and communal
support for continued survival, for socialization, and for the pursuit of satisfaction. In the
clients-therapist relationship, the therapist realizes the need to instill hope of a better
future in the clients concerning their relationships. Instilling hope is a dimension of faith,
which is the “substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrew
11:1). With Haitian clients, the concept of belief in a better tomorrow is quintessential
and paramount to their expectations. The therapist basic task is to create cohesion
between himself and the clients. Only then a positive outcome is possible. In Haitian
wisdom, when a child fails a task or in pursuit of a goal, Haitian parents will offer
reassurance and consolation to the child. Haitian parents instruct their children not to let
superstitions, phobias, fears, and other psychic obstructions to interfere with attaining
goals even though these might be a reality. In helping the clients to tell their story, the
therapist takes the role of an instructor in his relationship with the clients. His didactic
instruction provides structure and explanation to the clients, both of which have intrinsic
value for Haitians. In this social dynamic interaction, the therapist had an opportunity to
discover blind spots that impairs the vision of the clients. This final point constitutes a
basic axiom for therapy with Haitian couples. In this approach, the therapist uses his
therapeutic skills to gather information by asking the clients to think, to shift internal
arrangements, to examine the consequences of behavior. When the therapist takes the role
of facilitator, the clients find it easier to assimilate all the new information passed on to
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them. When information is presented to the Haitians in need, it necessitates an immediate
decision that may change the family lifestyle. A developmental crisis can occur at that
very moment. When such is the case, the counselor may need to assess the cohesiveness
of the family as well as their internal resilience. The therapist may need to determine the
internal resiliency of the family members by looking at the strengths and weaknesses of
individual family members. In Corey and Lyn’s situation, the therapist proceeds to assess
the clients’ level of understanding and coping mechanisms. In so doing, the counselor
determines the major indicators of the family’s difficulties. Because the counselor is a
culturally aware counselor, he has a clearer vision of the clients’ basic values and
assumptions. Thus, he begins to look for sources within the Haitian culture to provide
influential help. Only then he begins to move counseling from theory to effective human
experience. This counselor is also able to differentiate between the culture and the
individual. In so doing, he cross-culturally becomes aware of either acculturation or the
remains of monocultural threats that appear in the clients’ particular problem.
If the goal of therapy is to create cohesion, within the ethnosociocultural model,
the therapist needs to measure the dimensions of emotional bonding, boundaries, time
spent together, the type of friendships the family cherishes, decision making and
interactions, and vacations and recreation. A clinician will do well to understand the
variables that shape Haitian culture in order to understand why Haitians do what they do
and how they do it. If a therapist needs to fully grasp the context in which Haitians
understand marriage and family, he or she needs to understand the religious component
that may play a role in how the Haitian man or woman approaches marriage and family
institutions.
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Assessment
After the initial meeting with the couple, the therapist explained to the couple the
need to administer a needs assessment during their second session. What is the purpose of
needs assessment? A needs assessment is conducted in order to identify and select current
real needs suitable for translation into goals, which in turn guide the diagnostic process.
One begins with current real needs. In other words, the clinician or the counselor seeks to
know what troubles the client affectively, spiritually, socially, and behaviorally. The
second thing that the clinician or the counselor will do at the level of the assessment is to
identify and prioritize those needs. The identification process is the heart of the
assessment. It utilizes various methodologies. The methods are movements to understand
what causes the problem primarily or even what perpetuates the cause. The assessment is
done for a reason, and the reason is to formulate a diagnosis. The first essential of any
approach to assessment is the ability to observe. Observation is in fact a means to assess
the client’s or the client’s condition and mood. Looks provide the key to condition. Is the
client wan, listless, sleepy, alert and smiling, depressed, pleased to see the counselor,
indifferent to the counselor’s presence, teary, flushed, or breathless?
The therapist chooses to use the Taylor- Johnson Temperament Analysis (T-JTA) as
the assessment tool. The T-JTA measures nine common personality traits and assesses
psychological adjustment. The therapist explains to the couple that the assessment results
will provide objective, self-report information about their feelings, attitudes, and behavior
patterns. It will help the therapist to identify personal strengths and weaknesses that can
be explored in one-on-one discussions with each individual. The therapist explains to
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them that these personality traits are significant in terms of both personal and
interpersonal relationships and that the findings of this report will be used to develop the
counseling process with them. The clients willingly give their consent to do the
assessment.
The assessment is self-oriented; each individual completes his or her own form. Then
their scores are compared for counseling purposes. Each respondent was instructed to
answer the questions independently, without consulting with each other. They were told
to respond to each question faithfully as it applies to them individually. The process
lasted forty-five minutes. When they had completed the questionnaire, the administrator
checked their answers and instructed them regarding the next step. They made a
consistent effort to answer each question in a decisive manner. Corey’s moderate score
on the attitude scale suggests that he answered the questions in an open manner and that
he was neither defensive nor overly self-critical. Lyn’s low score on the attitude scale
suggests the opposite.
Anxiety- There is no sign of an anxiety pattern in Corey’s profile. As for Lyn, she is
slightly less nervous but apparently more depressed and more subjective compared with
Corey. There seems to be a mild sense of uneasiness in her approach to daily things. It
seems to be the result of some internal rather than external conflict, which may be the
reason she scores low on the attitude scale. It could also be an indication of how she
views the assessment. There was no indication to conclude that she suffers from anxiety.
Depressive/subjective- Corey scores below average on the depressive trait. But, he is
not depressed. In the subjective trait, Lyn is shown to be more subjective than Corey.
This simply explains the balance that exists in their character. For example, Lyn scores
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low in the attitude scale. The indication is that there is a sign of a mild sense of
uneasiness or potential for a rising tension to a more extreme state of apprehension.
Withdrawal Pattern- The individual must score low in the following areas in order to
be considered a withdrawer: active-social/quiet, expressive-responsive/inhibited, and
dominant/submissive; and by a high score on subjective/objective. At this level, Corey is
described as more active-social then Lyn. Lyn is quieter than Corey and less energetic in
social participation.
Expressive/responsive-versus inhibited- Corey is shown to be more responsive than
Lyn. He is more talkative and more expressively warm. In this area, improvement is
desirable for Lyn. She is described as someone who lacks the ability to show affection
without embarrassment.
Ho stile -Tolerant Pattern- Here is one area of concern for both individuals. Both of
them score above average in the domain of dominance and hostility. This is an indication
that they might be potentially unpleasant and at times inevitably would shy away from
people around them. Corey is revealed to be more understanding and compassionate than
Lyn. This is the largest difference between the two. Lyn is revealed to be a little
indifferent.
Dependent-Hostile Pattern- It is rather apparent that even though the couple scores
high on dominance and hostility, they do not seek to exercise authority over others. Being
slightly above average, the couple could prove to have leadership skills and the ability to
take advantage of situations, which may require executive ability. They reportedly have a
tendency to be critical or overtly inconsiderate.
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Self-Discipline versus Impulsive- Corey is described as being in control and very
organized, whereas Lyn is more impulsive. She is hastier in decision making. The high
score that Corey has on self-discipline is an indication that he is in control over the
emotions and behavior that he exhibits. By contrast, Lyn is much less inclined to think
before acting and to have good self-control. Corey may have a compulsive, rigid standard
for himself, which might be the main reason for his nervous trait and hostility. But that
might also correlate with his compassionate attitudes. Lyn is more susceptible in
exercising some forms of self- destructive behavior.
Current Status
In conclusion, Corey and Lyn need improvement in certain areas. One is more
critical than the other. Overall, however, they are very compatible with each other. If
taken at face value, the report shows that the couple is very similar in personality traits.
Despite Lyn’s cautious approach, the feedback also reveals the validity and reliability of
the results. The golden rule of every intervention, whether medical, psychological, or
spiritual, is the gathering of information that comes directly from the patient. The
assessment begins when the clinician or the counselor enters into a relationship with
hopes for understanding, help, and healing. This relationship will enable both individuals
to move toward their goal. Skillful clinicians or counselors will generate enough
biomedical and psychosocial information to generate hypotheses about possible causes of
the individual current situation, that is, to diagnose the patient or client. At this moment,
everything that the clinician or the counselor does sets the tone for the assessment
process.
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The ethnosociocultural model demands that the therapist understand the need to
create goals and plans for the Haitian client to follow. The sequence of understanding the
agenda and then setting goals can be understood when the therapist understands that
Haitians are community-oriented people. In Haiti, people do not have a tribal system or
caste system but the concept of lakou that is, the extended family. The extended family is
where power, privilege, powerlessness, or affiliative emotion is developed, or abuse may
exist. In the familial interaction there is an expressed and unexpressed deep cohesion, an
effective use of tradition among the family members. Community supports and
connections are very important for Haitians. Assessing the relational tie with the client’s
family may help the therapist to discover dysfunctional patterns in the client’s family
background. Counseling a Haitian client will include a full assessment of the extended
family. In Corey and Lyn’s case, the therapist spends an equal amount of time talking
about Corey and Lyn’s parent. Then we talk about each other’s relationship with each
other’s parents.
The therapist is sensitive about interpretive remarks and feedbacks. No matter
how well a comment is articulated, if it is not accepted by the client, the continuing
relationship becomes suspect. Haitian clients will become defensive for fear of being
misunderstood. At this point, the client may see the therapist as being one who committed
treason against him or her. Many clients do not see any danger in change as long as the
change is needed in another family member. The role of the therapist is to help the client
to clarify the imagined danger that change may pose for him or her. In Corey and Lyn’s
case, the therapist provides concrete steps to a positive outcome and disconfirms certain
myths they nurse about personal or interpersonal change. The clients realize the need for
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change and have already discovered where change needs to occur. But whether the clients
have the strength to sustain the change is a different matter. Thus, the therapist instructs
the clients concerning how they can master and take ownership of their personal goal and
conviction.
After the fourth session, the couple ceases to come to counseling. The couple
reports that there is very little communication between the two of them. They still have
no respect for one another. There is no unity and harmony between them at this point.
There is a lot of bitterness and personal anger in the relationship. Corey says that his
wife’s behavior is unacceptable and inconsistent. He says that to be true to oneself, one
needs to distinguish between fantasy and reality, forgiveness versus forgetfulness, trust
versus mistrust. In Corey’s world, all things are “my way, no way, or the highway.” He
admits that he wants to have total control over his wife and their affairs. The couple has
only one child. Corey says that he wants no more children. During sexual intercourse,
Corey takes care to control his ejaculation to avoid the possibility of impregnating his
wife. It is not clear whether Corey’s behavior is to punish his wife for his lack of control
over her. When he asked about his reasons for not wanting any more children with his
wife, he responds that the climate of their relationship is not suitable for a child to grow
in. But he made the decision without his wife’s agreement. Lyn argues that Corey does
not want another child with her because he does not love her. Another issue is the use of
money. Corey decides how money should be spent, when, and for what purposes. When
this couple returned for continued counseling, they argued about a smell in the bedrooms
and in the bed. Corey claims that Lyn is smelly and sloppy. Lyn brought up another issue,
that Corey has emotional affairs with other women in the church. She claims that these
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other women call her home to tell her information about her relationship with Corey that
was supposed to be confidential.
In any ethnocultural group, family members are said to be disengaged, separated,
connected, or enmeshed. The two extremes are disengaged and enmeshed, whereas the
relationship in which equilibrium exists is described as separated and connected. Many
couples who come to therapy come with a history of cohesiveness. The couples in whose
family there is equilibrium are said to be more conservative and evangelical. They tend to
enjoy emotional closeness and value loyalty. They are connected. A sense of loss is
experienced in families where there is separation. Pain and suffering follows from the
absence of a loved one, for whatever reason. But a person in this situation tends to heal
over time. Conversely, disengaged family members cause unnecessary pain to others and
tend to create more problems for the rest of the family. Family members who are
enmeshed find it difficult to move on alone in life. They are so close to one another that
they become dangerously fearful of separation and disengagement. The energy of these
people focuses inside the family. No one is independent; no decision is personal, and no
one person is an individual. In this type of family structure, a married couple’s
relationship is often unbalanced and characterized by a rigid chaotic mood, especially if
one partner tends to be more disengaged. In this relationship, the need to control is high,
and negotiation is limited to one person’s idea. The roles are strictly but never clearly
defined. Decision making is impulsive and often ill conceived. Everyone does everything,
no one is responsible for anything, and nobody is somebody. In the most balanced
Haitian family, the opposite is found. Members of the family create a kind of balance that
allows everyone to be themselves in their respective roles. When appropriate, leadership
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is yielded to others to ensure of the welfare of the family. However, Corey and Lyn have
such a family.
In this ethnosociocultural model, each individual in therapy needs to be evaluated.
The therapist may start with the family system, the marriage, and the extended family,
just to understand the social norms that govern the behavior of the family members.
Having gone thus far, the therapist may safely move on to engage other assessments done
by the family members or other individuals concerned in the client’s community. Among
black countries around the world and in the West Indies in particular, Haitians enjoy a
unique legacy, challenges, and future prospects that no other nation could ever match.
Even though Haiti remains the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, Haitians are
proud of their historical values. They are a courageous people who face the struggles of
life eye to eye. They value their ties with their cultural heritage as well as their
community. An ecological perspective on cultural psychology, proposed by John Berry,
contends that “all cultures are equally valued and equally valid collective expressions of
human life” (Berry, 1994, p. 115). Berry argues that individual behavior can be
understood across cultures only when both cultural and biological features are taken into
account. Therefore, the ethnocultural understanding is proposed in this thesis as a viable
and effective model for working with Haitians.
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APPENDIX 1
A HAITIAN BIRTH CERTIFICATE
A Haitian birth certificate may read that (child name) is the “natural son” or
“natural daughter” of to indicate that a child was born out of wedlock. Or the birth
certificate may read, “[the child’s name] is the deed of M. [father’s name] and Mme.
[mother’s name].” But if the child is of a legal marriage, the birth certificate will read,
“[the child’s name] is the legitimate son or daughter of [the parents’ names].”
Meanwhile, children have mothers but may not have any known fathers. This
practice continues, where women have children with no clear line of paternity. Or, if
there is a known father, he might not be involved in the life of his child.
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APPENDIX 2
LIBERTE, EGALITE, FRATERNITE
Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite Republic of Haiti, 5.847. The year 1949 and sixth day
of the month of January at 3 o’clock in the afternoon. We, Jean Jumeau, Registrar of
Port-au-Prince, certifies [szc] that citizens Damballah Toquan Miroisse and Madame
Andremise Cetoute appeared before us to be united by the indissoluble bond of marriage
sacrament. Inasmuch as Madame Cetoute must consecrate Tuesday and Thursday to her
husband Damballah without ever blemish on herself, it being understood Monsieur
Damballah’ s duty is to load his wife with his good luck so that Madame Cetoute will
never know a day of poverty: the husband Monsieur Damballah is accountable to his wife
and owes her all necessary protection as set down in the contract. It is with work that
spiritual and material property is amassed. In execution of article 15.1 of the Haitian
Code. They hereto agreed in the affirmative before qualified witnesses whose names are
given.
[Signatures.] (Metraux, 1972, pp. 215-216).
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APPENDIX 3
DECREE OF DIVORCE
The Hebrew term for “divorce” is rendered in the Septuagint biblion apostasion.
This term is also found in the New Testament (Mk 10:4). Matthew 5:31 has “writing of
divorcement” in English versions of the Bible, but the King James Version of Matthew
19:7 has “writing,” while the Revised Version (British and American) and the American
Standard Revised Version have “bill.” The certificate of divorce is called get, plural
gittin , in the Talmud. There is an entire chapter devoted to the subject in the Mishna.
It is not positively known when the custom of writing bills of divorcement
commenced, but there are references to such documents in the earliest Hebrew
legislation. The fact that Joseph had in mind to put away of his espoused wife, Mary,
without the formal act of a bill or at least of a public procedure provides that a decree was
not regarded as an absolutely necessary (Mt 1:19). The following was the usual form of a
decree:
On the _ _ day of the week _ in the month _ in the year _ from the
beginning of the world, according to the common computation in the provision of. _ ,
I, _ the son of _ _ by whatever name I may be known, of the town of _ with
entire consent of mind, and without any constraint, have divorced, dismissed, and
expelled thee, _ _ daughter of. _ by whatever name thou art called, of the town who
hast been my wife hitherto; But now I have dismissed thee, _ _ the daughter of _ by
whatever name thou art called, of the town of _ so as to be free at thy own disposal, to
marry whomsoever thou pleasest, without hindrance from anyone, from this day for ever.
Thou art therefore free for anyone [who would marry thee]. Let this be thy bill of divorce
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from me, a writing of separation and expulsion, according to the Law of Moses and
Israel.
_ _, the son of _ ., witness
_ ., the son of _ ., witness
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119
VITA
Carlot Ducasse Celestin
PERSONAL
Born: July 11, 1966, Port-au-Prince, Haiti
Parents: Victor Elorge Celestin and Siliane Ducasse
Married: July 13, 1991, to Myrta Alaida Celestin
Children: Mischael Pierre Celestin (April 14, 1992) and Jephthe Nephthali Celestin (29
June 1994)
EDUCATION
Liccc Alexandre Petion, Port-au-Prince, Haiti
Spring-Valley (NY) Senior High School, 1986-1988
BIBLE SCHOOL
Ecole Evangelique de la Bible, Spring Valley, NY, 1994
COLLEGE
A. A.S., in electrical technology, RCC, Suffern, NY, 1991
B. A. in philosophy, Nyack College, Nyack, NY, 1995
GRADUATE SCHOOL
M.Div. in Christian Education and Discipleship, ATS, Nyack, NY, 2000
M.A. in Old Testament Literature, ATS, Nyack, NY, 2000
D.Min. in Marriage and Family Counseling, GCTS, South Hamilton, MA, (Graduation is
anticipated in May 2008).
MINISTRY EXPERIENCE
Church of the Army of Christ-Haiti, youth leader, 1984-1986
Evangelical Church of C&MA of Spring Valley, NY, youth leader, 1986-1989
French Speaking Baptist Church of Spring- Valley, NY, chairman of the Christian
education department, 1990-2000
Tabernacle Baptist Congregation, Boston, MA, assistant pastor, 2002-present
TEACHING AND ADMINISTRATIVE EXPERIENCE
Coordinator of SAFE Program, Spring Valley, NY, 1996-1998
Nyack College, Nyack, NY, adjunct professor of foreign language, 1998-2000
Gordon College, Wenham, MA, adjunct professor of foreign language, 2003-2007
Light House Christian Academy, fourth-grade teacher, 2003-2004
Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, adjunct professor of Old Testament, 2003
Brockton Public Schools, substitute teacher, 2005-2007
Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, administrator of the Master of Arts in
Counseling Program, 2007-present